Marriage means different things to different people, but for some, it’s non-negotiable when it comes to starting a family.

So, would you do if your partner suddenly wanted children, even though they refused to marry you?

Would you come around to their way of thinking?

Or would you protect your values, even if it risked your relationship?

In the following story, one woman finds herself making this exact decision.

Here’s what’s going on.

AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend children because he won’t marry me

My boyfriend (33m) and I (31f) have been dating for seven years.

Early on, we talked about marriage, kids, a house, the whole shebang.

I like kids and I think I’d be a good mother.

I’d like to have children but I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t have any.

I’m happy with my life as is, and I could be happy with children as well.

My boyfriend has always dreamed of being a dad, and recently suggested that we’re in the place to start trying for some.

I was a little confused by this.

She thought they already had an understanding.

I told him early on, within the first year, that I would never have children with a man that I’m not married to.

I feel like children are a much bigger commitment than marriage, so marriage should come first.

Additionally, if a man doesn’t love me and isn’t committed enough to spending the rest of our lives together, I don’t see why I wouldn’t make the sacrifice of bearing his children?

Maybe it’s old-fashioned of me.

I explained all of this to him, once again.

He was awkward and said he just doesn’t want to get married.

He said men get screwed over in divorces all the time, and he just doesn’t think marriage is important or a smart choice.

He was angry that her goals and beliefs didn’t match his.

I said that’s fine. We don’t have to get married.

I’m happy with our life as is.

We just won’t be buying a house together or having children together.

We can each buy our own house and live in one, and rent out the other.

If we aren’t getting married, I don’t want to really entangle our finances in any way.

He blew up at me and said I’m punishing him for not waiting to marry him.

I said I’m not, just that having children outside of marriage goes against my personal values.

I also told him that since he’s super against the idea of marriage, I am not going to marry him just for a shut-up ring, that he only gives me because he wants kids.

Now, she’s wondering if they’re better off dating other people.

I want him to actually want to marry me, and if not, that’s okay.

Children and marriage are off the table for us.

If he wants kids now, he needs to leave me and find someone who will have kids for him without expecting any stability in return.

And maybe I could find someone who wants to marry me and maybe or maybe not have kids. I told him all of this.

He’s been very distressed and emotionally distraught.

He has a disease that very much so limits his life expectancy.

He has said that if he doesn’t have kids asap, he probably shouldn’t have them at all, because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to see them into adulthood.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see both sides of this, but wow! That’s tough!

Let’s see how the people over at Reddit feel about this story.

As this person points out, he knew how she felt about the whole thing.

As this person points out, it’s been seven years, and that’s a long time to not marry someone.

Here’s someone who suggests she leave him.

This is a great point.

She should start planning her exit.

At this point, she knows where he stands, but honestly, she shouldn’t trust his motives or what he may try.

It’s best to get out while she still can.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.