She raised their daughter alone while her ex vanished for decades—now he’s back, playing father of the bride like nothing happened.

She wonders if staying home is selfish…or simply self-preservation.

Read on for the story.

WIBTA if I don’t attend my daughter’s wedding because her father will be there?

28 yrs ago, my daughter’s father left us for our babysitter just a week after her 1st birthday.

He had 2 kids with her, & left her for their babysitter as well.

Moved across the USA and married her.

Our daughter didn’t see or hear from him at all.

No emails, calls, no child support.

When she was 14 we discovered she was bipolar & put me thru hell, even with medication.

Fast forward 28 years. Found out lots of things, including that he had people spying on me all those years & reporting back to him on what I was doing.

Holy moly.

“He was worried about the kids with me as a parent.” (For context – I raised 7 kids (this daughter Is child #4, mostly as a single parent, by my own choice.

I never had a welfare check, went thru college 3 times for 3 different degrees and never had the electric shut off, go to a shelter or was homeless.) he Never sent any messages, emails, phone calls, birthday card, anything.

Now, I’m raising said daughter’s son, he is 9 and I have had him since he was 1 due to neglect and emotional abuse.

He will soon be 10.

She visits with him when it’s convenient for her, which isn’t often.

This is…a lot.

Her boyfriends have always been twice her age and way more important to her than her son.

One bf went to prison.

We have full legal custody and have the right to tell her no any time we like, but for the boy’s benefit, we figured some contact is better than none.

He is in counseling and his counselor has ripped her a new ass twice.

He said “either be all in or be all out.”

She just can’t seem to do either one.

She also didn’t pay child support for 7 years, but the last 18 months they ordered her to pay $60 a month, which we discovered her father has been sending her to pay.

This keeps getting worse and worse.

She cant hold a job or a place to live. He gave her a BMW & drove it here.

He’s given her thousands of dollars & paid her rent. He has said some vile stuff about me that has gotten back to me.

I feel like both of them has really made a lot of my adult life a lot harder than it has had to be.

While they’re off living it up & having fun, being all “lovey dovey family” while I’m over here exhausted and struggling.

While I went on with my life and I have a wonderful man now….my daughter and her twice her age flavor of the week are talking about getting married.

He hs had a vasectomy, doesnt ever want kids and has no desire to be in this boy’s life, let alone encourage her to do it. Good for her, if that’s what makes her happy.

However, I have zero desire to attend that wedding, especially if her father is there and giving her away.

Oof.

Their relationship is not my business and I hope it’s a happy one, but I really have no desire to have all that rubbed in my face.

It’s like neither one ever gave a crap how their behavior affected my heart, soul, or life. Would I be an a****** if I choose not to attend?

Because I feel like if I don’t, that’s just another reason for those 2 to bad mouth me and make me feel like a piece of crap parent bc I’m supposed to support her no matter what.

This one is tough…what’s Reddit think?

They’re torn. This person has a good way of helping OP make her decision.

This person says she’s doing enough raising her daughter’s son.

But this person says she WOULD be an AH if she didn’t attend.

When the guest list includes your deepest betrayal, sometimes declining the RSVP is the only way to keep your peace.

Why are weddings so hard?

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.