She works full-time. She earns more. She manages the house. When her husband took nearly two hours to “shower” while she cooked solo—again—it was the last straw.

But when she called him out, he said she was being unfair.

Who is really being unfair?

Read on for the story.

AITA for losing it at my husband

F(29) here. Married with a M (25). We both have a full time job. I am the one with the highest income in the relationship.

We have been having an argument and still disagree, so I need the help of other people to help me see if I am the AH here.

It all started last Tuesday.

It was probably a misunderstanding.

Husband asked if I needed help to cook or if he could go shower.

I told him I’ll get the food started and NP, don’t need help at the moment.

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough, I expected a quick shower and then him helping me when he is done.

It wasn’t a quick shower…

He took 1 hour and 45 minutes showering, spending time on his phone, in the bedroom.

I got annoyed and told him “NP go take a shower” doesn’t mean “Go enjoy Instagram reels while I do the maid.”

He told me I was unfair, and that he doesn’t have time to exercise, shower, cook and all other necessities of a household after work if he spends his time doing chores. He said it’s the only little free time he has after work and he would like to have some time for himself.

I explained that I work full time too and it applies to me as well.

True…

We moved to my home country in 2024, he didn’t speak the language.

He said it’s easy to say since he had to move, leave his family behind, learn a language he didn’t know and spend 8 hours struggling with language in an office.

He said he makes enough efforts as it is, and I am in my home country and working remote so I have it easier.

I got mad at him. Told him for the course of our relationship it has always been the same. He never made me breakfast once. If we want breakfast, I have to wake up and do it. I assume 80% of the household tasks. When something needs to be done, he can help but he needs to be directed like a toddler.

And there it is.

If the fridge is disgusting and needs cleaning, he could live with it for 6 months without problem. I have to be the one telling him “the fridge needs cleaning please” at least 3-4 times before he actually does it while complaining.

His favorite thing to say: “I was gonna do it but I hate being forced to do something, the more people push me to do things the more I hate doing them”

I am just tired of being the “brain” of the relationship.

On his end, he says everything is always about me, and he moved to a new country out of love for me, leaving his family behind, and I fail to recognize all the efforts it takes.

AITA?

Most Reddit commenters were quick to note that while moving to a new country is no small feat, so is carrying the mental load of a household solo.

This person says he’s acting like a child.

This person says she’s carrying way too much of the mental load.

But this person says ESH…and OP is actually the AH for this situation.

He moved for love, sure—but that doesn’t mean she signed up to parent a fourth roommate.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.