Joining a family that already exists through marriage can be an absolute joy, but it can also come with some pitfalls and difficulties.
For instance, what if the kid you saw as your kid just…doesn’t really wanna be your kid?
AITA for shrugging when my dad’s wife asked me what she was supposed to do if I only ever see her as my dad’s wife and not as my parent?
The question is nearly a paragraph in itself, so let’s break it down:
My dad (49m) married Colette (47f) two years ago.
I (17m) am dad’s only child and he was a single dad my whole life pretty much.
My mom isn’t involved in my life at all and she’s chosen to have nothing to do with me. It’s fine.
I stopped caring years ago and saw this as normal.
For years now I haven’t longed for a mom or a two parent home.
When my dad and Colette met three years ago we got along fine but I wasn’t jumping up and down going yaaay I have another parent.
I showed her respect but beyond her dating my dad (and then marrying him a year later) I wasn’t looking for her to take on a parental or motherly role in my life.
So far it’s been respectful but unattached.
My dad and I talked about it a couple of times.
He wanted to know if any part of me wanted to explore Colette taking on a motherly role in my life and I said no.
He helped set those boundaries.
But since they got married she’s tried to push them a little.
Never too bad until recently though.
Step mom wants to show pride at school, but kid isn’t having it.
I won an award for my school and me and the two other kids who won awards were asked to pose with their parents for the school newsletter.
Colette was upset that it was just me and dad.
And she was upset that in the two years since they got married she’s stayed in dad’s wife camp and hasn’t been given a chance to show she can be a good parent to me.
I told her it was nothing personal but I wouldn’t have been willing to let anyone try that when I was 14/15 and not now either.
She asked dad to step in and he told her that I was respectful and didn’t exclude her all the time but I had been clear about dad being my only parent.
And that wasn’t the end of the discussion.
She didn’t like hearing that but it wasn’t until a couple of days ago she asked me what she was supposed to do if I only ever see her as dad’s wife and never as my parent.
I shrugged because I really didn’t have anything to say. That’s for her to work out.
But it made her pretty angry and she told me it was disrespectful to shrug off something as important as that.
AITA?
Here’s what the comments made of this:
Seems like you were pretty clear.
It’s been asked and answered.
What more is there to say?
I can completely understand how emotionally vulnerable and tricky it must be for the step mom.
But at the end of the day, you just can’t force someone to feel like your child.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.