Some parents cannot handle the spotlight being on their child instead of themselves.

So, what would you do if you gave your family two years’ notice for a once-in-a-lifetime event, only to have your own mother plan a competing trip and pressure everyone to choose? Would you just accept it because that’s who she is? Or would you finally call her out for what she’s doing?

In today’s story, one young woman deals with a mom just like this and ends up speaking her mind. Here’s how it all played out.

AITAH for calling my mother out on trying to compete with and ruining my graduation?

I (30 F) have always had the nagging feeling that my mom (55 F) is either jealous of me or competing with me.

As a young adult, my mom did not go to college and never lived on her own. She went from living with my grandparents, to married, back to my grandparents after the divorce, and then to my stepfather.

At one point, she was a SAHM when married to my stepfather and seemed to enjoy it.

She took an opposite life path.

I, on the other hand, left home at 18, went to college, graduated, and never went back. I’ve expressed in conversation that I’d never want to be a SAHM as I find I’d be bored. This is just to note some differences between us.

I am now coming up on graduation for an advanced degree. As I attend an online school, the graduation is not in my home state. All graduations take place in Florida.

Once I was informed of my graduation date, I notified my family.

Now, many of my family members aren’t poor but aren’t well off either. Meaning they would have to save to attend graduation. I thought this would be a nice family vacation as 95% of my family has never been to Disney, Universal, etc.

Now, her mom is trying to plan a separate vacation one month before.

I informed my family in the spring of 2024 that I will be graduating in the spring of 2026. I felt this was enough notice for everyone to start saving.

We are now in the summer of 2025.

My mother called all the family and told them she’s planning for the entire family to go on a cruise, a month before my graduation.

Many have already said they can’t afford both.

My mom is pushing the issue, stating she really wants everyone to go.

I even expressed to her that if people go on the cruise, they won’t be able to afford my graduation.

Her response was, well, if they really wanted to attend, they’ll come.

Now, my mom is not struggling like the test of our family as she married my stepfather, who is upper-middle class.

Fed up, she yelled at her mother.

Well, I finally lost it on her screaming at her, and asking what her problem is. And why is she so determined on no one being there to support me. And it’s not my fault she chose to take care of a man instead of getting an education.

Nobody has really taken sides, but my family has continued to express that they can’t afford both.

My parter has said just forget my family and his family will come for my graduation.

I have no idea what to do at this point and am considering getting my mom’s favorite sister to talk to her.

AITA?

Yikes! Talk about bad timing.

Let’s check out what advice the fine folks over at Reddit offer:

This person suggests an ultimatum.

Here’s a really good point she needs to consider.

This could very well be a solution.

For this person, she should skip the cruise and not try to dissuade anyone.

She needs to accept the facts.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.