Not everyone sees stepparents the same way, and sometimes, that can create painful tension.

What would you do if your mom’s husband wanted you to call him Dad, but you didn’t feel that connection? Would you give in for the sake of his feelings? Or would you stand by your bond with the father you never got to meet?

In today’s story, one teen faces this exact situation and chooses the latter. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for saying my mom’s husband isn’t my dad and saying I never got to meet my dad?

My dad died when my mom was pregnant with me (17f). She told me about him growing up, and we have little traditions we keep to honor him, and she also named me the name he wanted for a daughter.

I always spent time with my dad’s family in the summer, and they’d travel to see me, or we’d travel to see them when we could. So even though I never got to meet him, I still consider him my dad, you know?

When I was 13, she introduced me to James, and they got married when I was 14. To me, James is my mom’s husband, but I guess he sees me as his daughter. He’s been hurt for years that I call him James and never gave him a dad-like nickname or title.

It all started when she was casually talking to some strangers.

I didn’t know about it until we went on vacation last month. My mom and James met this couple, and we had dinner with their family. I was talking to their two kids, who were pretty close in age to me, and they asked why I called him James and wasn’t he my dad, and I said he’s not my dad, he’s married to my mom.

They asked what happened to my dad, and I told them I never got to meet my dad because he died while my mom was pregnant with me. We talked about other things.

But when we got back to the resort, my mom pulled me into my room and asked me why I’d say that stuff at dinner. I had to ask her what she meant because I had no idea what was going on. She said James’ face when I said he wasn’t my dad, and when I told those kids I never got to meet my dad, was heartbreaking.

Her mother and James pulled her to the side to reason with her.

She told me he’s been waiting for me to acknowledge him as the dad in my life, and I never do. I told her he’s not, though. She said I might have been 13 when I met him, but it shouldn’t stop me from letting him be the dad who gets to be here for everything.

She said that as much as she misses Dad, she doesn’t ever want me to deny myself the chance to have one. And I told her I wasn’t denying myself anything. Mom got frustrated and left.

Then, after we got back from vacation, Mom and James pulled me into a meeting, and James told me how much he’d love to be more to me than James and how hurtful it was to be rejected as dad, even to strangers who could’ve easily been led to believe that he was my dad.

Unfortunately for James, she’ll never see him as her dad.

They said I don’t need to always say he’s not or that my dad died.

I told him I was sorry that my words hurt his feelings, and my mom said that wasn’t a good apology and that it didn’t sound like I was sorry I said those things. I said no, because James isn’t my dad, and I never got to meet my dad.

Ever since that afternoon, Mom’s talked to me about it five different times, and James mopes whenever I’m around. Mom said it really is hurtful to him.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see both sides of this, but maybe they’re trying a little too hard.

Let’s see what words of advice Reddit readers have to offer in this situation.

Here’s a woman who explains it from her perspective as a stepmom.

This reader raises an important topic.

For this person, she did nothing but tell the truth.

As this reader explains, sometimes feelings are one-sided, and that’s okay.

According to this comment, it’s her mom’s problem.

In the grand scheme of things, he’s only been in her life for four years, and that’s not very long. He needs to give it time.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.