Imagine having a group of friends online that you feel comfortable chatting with and sharing your writing.

Then imagine that there’s a new guy who joins the group, and he disrespects one of your boundaries almost immediately. Would you call him out on it or ignore it for the sake of the rest of the group?

In today’s story, one woman does not want her boundaries crossed, but when her friends think she’s overreacting, she can’t help but wonder if they’re right.

Let’s read the whole story to see who is right.

AITA for telling people I don’t feel comfortable with pet names online?

I (27F) have been writing as a hobby for about 12 years, mostly in RP servers.

For the most part, I have a tight knit group of friends who are all good writers, kind and understanding, and know how to seperate our oc relationships from our actual selves.

Many of us are married, have kids, etc, and we like to share some of the stories we write with our partners.

My husband is also supportive and has tried to join the group a few times, but it never really worked out and he just wasn’t too into it.

There have been problems in the past.

This has not always been the case for me.

When I was younger, I encountered a lot of more nefarious RPers who did not have good intentions.

For the sake of this post, I won’t go into details, but I’ll just say it’s made me hyper aware of any new people I haven’t known for very long. Picking up on any subtle signals that they might not be a safe person.

Here’s one warning sign.

One of the earliest signs for me is if they start using pet names for me directly.

I don’t like hearing them from strangers, I will politely but firmly tell them I am not comfortable with that name, and remind them to use the username I have given.

If they cannot respect that boundary, I’ll more likely than not unfriend them.

Meet the new guy.

Recently someone new joined our server. Let’s call him Jay.

Jay was casual with the group, one person vouching he was chill, and Jay messages me, asking about 1 on 1 RP.

Sure, whatever, that’s my specialty.

As we’re talking and I’m sharing my first character, he starts calling me Sweetheart.

That’s a problem.

I ask him to stop and he gets huffy, saying he gives nicknames to all his friends.

I tell him again, just Tada please. I don’t want any terms of endearment.

He demands to know why and I say it’s a boundary I have that I want respected. I refuse to go into detail, and just put him on mute as I go to bed.

Now, there’s a bigger problem.

Next morning I wake up to the server exploding with messages, this guy ranting that I was rude and unfair over a simple pet name.

My friends ask why I’m not ok with it.

And I said I didn’t want a random man calling me “Sweetheart” online.

He was threatening to leave the server if I didn’t “lighten up” and my friends are asking me to make peace with him since we’re kind of desperate for some new blood.

She’s wondering if she overreacted.

The one friend who invited him insisted Jay is chill.

But I got huffy and pointed out that they’re a guy, so Jay was obviously going to be more relaxed with him.

If he wasn’t going to respect the very first boundary I make, how could I trust Jay with anything else.

So am I the AH for how I handled this?

I wouldn’t want to be called Sweetheart by some random stranger on the internet either. That’s pretty creepy.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

Seriously, how would the friend feel if the tables were turned?

She’s not asking too much.

Here’s a good question for the friend.

Jay does NOT sound chill.

This is not what “chill” behavior looks like.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.