Destination weddings can be amazing, but they are asking a LOT.

Even if money isn’t an issue (which, for most, it is), there’s still taking time off work, finding childcare, all the hassles of travel, etc.

If that’s the kind of experience you want to have, you should expect a few declined invites.

Unless you’re the bride in this story.

AITAH for not going to my friend’s destination wedding because I can’t afford it?

So one of my close friends is having a destination wedding later this year.

It sounds beautiful and I’m genuinely happy for her, but honestly I just can’t afford it.

Flights, hotel, outfits, everything adds up way too fast and it’s not something I can manage right now.

We’re talking likely thousands of dollars, even if you bargain hunt.

I told her early on, really politely, that I love her and I’m so excited for her, but I wouldn’t be able to make it.

I even said I’d love to celebrate with her before or after in a way that’s more affordable.

Which seems utterly reasonable. However…

At first she seemed okay with it, but lately she’s been kind of cold. Barely replying and just acting distant.

A mutual friend mentioned she feels like I don’t care enough and that if it really mattered to me, I would’ve found a way to go.

No, no. You “find a way” to pay for college.

You “find a way” to cover medical bills.

You don’t put yourself in financial strain and risk to go to a party, even if it’s an important party.

I do feel a little guilty, but also I don’t think it’s fair to expect people to spend so much money on something they didn’t get a say in planning.

So yeah, AITAH for saying no even though I know it upset her?

The comments chimed in:

One person laid out a plausible guess:

If you’re gonna be exclusive, people will be excluded.

Come on, she’s gotta know this.

This reads to me like the bride has never been poor.

Which, you know, good for her.

But she needs to understand that for some people, a couple thousand on a trip is reckless at best, and impossible at worst.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.