It’s funny how things can get heated between family members when someone passes away.

Old resentments boil up to the surface, people take sides, and things get UGLY.

Check out this story from Reddit’s “Am I the *******?” page and see if you think this woman is doing anything wrong.

Get started now!

WIBTA for holding a funeral for my father against my mother’s wishes?

“I’m 21. My parents had me at 15, split when I was 3. I haven’t seen my father since then. He went on to have 8 more kids; three were in his custody (12F, 10M, 8M). I’m my mom’s only child.

When I was 16, he reached out, saying he was getting clean for his kids. He apologized to me and my mom (she never got the message). He knew sorry wouldn’t fix things but wanted to do better for his children.

He offered to let me meet my siblings and said if I didn’t want to see him, he’d arrange it through our grandmother.

No, thanks.

I declined, asking for photos/videos only. I didn’t want them to know I existed. He respected that. I obsessed over every picture, noticing every bruise and bandaid.

Eventually, I went to therapy and accepted he was a better dad to them than he ever was to me. I came to see him as someone different from the man who raised me, he was no longer my dad, but he was theirs.

I never told my mom I was in contact with his side of the family.

There was a tragedy…

He passed away this year in a car crash. The kids are going to my paternal aunt. Since I’m his oldest child, I was legally next of kin and claimed the body at my grandmother’s request. My mom found out and was thrilled, she wanted to cremate him and flush the ashes or throw them out.

I ignored her and met his 12 yr daughter. She didn’t want to cry in front of me because she knew he hadn’t been a good dad to me. She had seen my Facebook bookmarked on his computer and asked him about it.

He told her he had hurt me, that a bandaid wasn’t enough to fix it, that bandaids fixed small cuts and he had smashed a vase. She didn’t fully understand but tried to respect my feelings.

I told her this wasn’t about mourning my father, I’d already done that. This was about her dad. She cried, I comforted her, and decided then that this funeral would be for them. Trashing his ashes wouldn’t hurt him, only them.

She made a decision.

With help from my grandmother and some of his friends, we’re planning a funeral in his town. I won’t mention myself or his other children. I’ll write that he struggled with addiction, hurt people, and couldn’t undo it, but got clean, and did his best for the three kids who had no one else.

My mom is furious. She says I shouldn’t honor him after what he did. She’s stopped speaking to me and threatened to cut me off if I go through with it. Others in town are starting to treat me differently too.

They’re standing firm on this one.

But I stand by this: the kids deserve a chance to say goodbye to their dad. They’re innocent. This funeral isn’t for him, it’s for them.

I had to shorten it due to character limit so some details got cut out.

Would I be the ******* for holding a funeral for my “father” despite my mother’s wishes?”

Let’s see what folks had to say on Reddit.

This person said they’re NTA.

Another individual agreed.

This Reddit user spoke up.

Another reader weighed in.

And this Reddit user shared their thoughts.

The family drama is strong with this story!

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