One woman’s mom seems to have perfected the art of visiting when it’s least convenient.

Between back-to-back trips, a husband’s surgery, and a hellish work week, she’s questioning whether she even has the bandwidth to see her mother while she’s in town.

Read on for the story.

WIBTA if I didn’t see my mom while she was visiting the city I live in

I (51F) live in a different state than the rest of my family. My mom (a healthy 73), and I have always had a relationship I don’t understand, but it is what it is.

I moved to my current city with my husband 6 years ago. My mom has visited one time to see me, about 4 years ago, and she came last year because my cousin’s child got accepted to college here, so she came to help them move their child in, and then spent a day or 2 with me.

I had invited her to come visit a month earlier, but she said no. In July, she said she wanted to come visit in August, and I told her I would be out of town one weekend (this coming one) and then my husband was having surgery a couple days later, so that wouldn’t be a good time, but the rest of the month would be fine. Silence.

Clearly a priority.

I then realized she probably wanted to come that weekend I would be gone because cousin and family were probably going to be here that weekend moving child back into college.

Sure enough, that’s what it was. Then my mom told me she was coming anyways. I don’t want her to not help them, but it is very hurtful that she will be visiting my city three times, and only one time was to see me.

She flies in Saturday, I get back Sunday night, work Monday, husband is having surgery Tuesday, she flies out Wednesday (to go spend 2 weeks with cousin). I am going to be exhausted from being out of town, coming back to work which has been hellish lately, and then dealing with my high stressed husband and his surgery.

No kidding.

I do not have the bandwidth to squeeze in a family dinner night one night just so she doesn’t feel guilty about coming here and not seeing me.

I already told her this would be the only weekend and couple of days that would be a bad time to visit us.

WIBTA if I did not make time to see my mom while she was here visiting?

Redditors weighed in: some say boundaries and personal capacity matter, while others think family comes first—even when the timing is brutal. Either way, guilt and frustration are guaranteed.

This person says Mom is the AH.

This person says this while thing is super hurtful.

This person says she definitely favors the cousin.

Some visits are about family, some are about logistics—and this one’s clearly about logistics.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a customer who insists that their credit card works, and finds out that isn’t the case.