As the old saying goes, you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm!

And this woman is tired of doing it…so she wants to put a stop to it.

Is she wrong for feeling this way?

Read on and see what you think.

WIBTA for not visiting my siblings and my nieces and nephews anymore?

“I (F33) have two siblings with families.

We live in different states, about 5–7 hours apart.

Since I’m the only one without a partner or kids, I’m usually the one traveling to visit. That means I take time off work, spend money on travel and gifts, and try to fit into their routines.

There’s a problem…

The truth is: I don’t enjoy these visits. Their homes are loud and chaotic (I’m highly sensitive and from time to time need to recharge), and the conversations are exhausting.

My siblings and their partners often make inappropriate remarks, which I find hard to tolerate.

They show little genuine interest in me, rarely ask questions and mostly vent about their neighbors or colleagues.

So, I usually try to spend as much time as possible with my nieces and nephews (14, 12, 10, 5), who seem to enjoy my company.

The kids are the only reason I am doing this. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t go at all.

What’s the point…?

What bothers me is how one-sided everything feels. I invited them a couple of times, too, but they never visit, even though I have an apartment for myself and live in a beautiful area.

They don’t take time off when I’m in town (I have to adapt to their schedules).

I send birthday gifts – I don’t get one, just a quick message. I engage with their posts on social media or send messages – and get no response.

When I’ve brought this up earlier, they (and my mother) always say they’re too busy and can’t travel “because of the kids”.

But I’m still expected to keep the connection alive by traveling to them! I mean – I have a busy and fulfilling life, too.

I have a variety of interests, hobbies that challenge me, an ambitious career I genuinely like and friends I trust and love to spend time with.

However, I have a history of feeling like the “lesser” sibling. I’m single and childfree, and in our family, that seems to mean my life doesn’t count as much.

The topics I like to talk about don’t spark interest.

To make this worse, my mom has a tendency to prioritize others over me – I think because family and kids matter more to her.

For a long time – until this morning – I was thinking that I was making this up and it was only because of my insecurity.

Right now, I’m also going through a divorce. It’s been really tough. My parents check in occasionally, but my siblings basically stopped caring after two weeks.

She had a revelation!

So, today it hit me: this whole dynamic only works because I keep giving. And I’m SO tired, SO exhausted. I just don’t want to do this anymore.

So I decided to cancel my upcoming visit. And I’m seriously considering stopping all visits entirely.

Of course, that means I won’t see the kids anymore. I feel guilty about that, especially since I’m the godmother of one of my nieces.

But I also feel like I need to take care of myself now and generally.

I’m done being the one who always bends. That doesn’t mean that I am not open to this relationship – BUT ONLY IF my siblings make an effort, too.

So, WIBTA for not visiting?”

Folks shared their thoughts on Reddit.

This person said she’s NTA.

Another reader agreed.

This Reddit user had a lot to say.

Another individual weighed in.

And this person spoke up.

She realized that she’s gotta start looking out for herself.

Too bad.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.