“I don’t really like my partner’s friends” is a sadly common thing to deal with.

Most muddle through and find some way to deal with it.

Then there are stories like this one.

AITA for telling my wife she can’t have it both ways?

We’ve been married for 9 years, we’re in our 30s and have 2 kids.

For the most part I think our relationship is great.

We don’t really struggle with jealousy or insecurity or the like usually, until recently.

Now we come to the friend group.

I know this makes me sound horrible but I never really got along with one of her friend groups.

These are some of her work friends she started hanging out with about a year ago.

Nothing really against them, just didn’t really think it was my crowd.

It’s 2 married guys & 2 women who are divorced (one recently so), and the few times I came along with my wife to their hangouts it was mostly work talk I didn’t find particularly interesting.

So usually I’d just stay home & care for the kids to save money on the sitter & let my wife go, but I was clear with my wife that I just didn’t really enjoy that particular group and while I encourage her to go out and socialize, I just didn’t want to come.

She was fine at first, but then the group started pressuring her into bringing me as the guys started bringing their wives around & one of the gals found a partner so she was feeling awkward coming without me.

We argued for a bit but after a few times she said it was important to her that I come so I agreed.

Then things took a turn. For the better?

Well, to my surprise it turned out I get on really well with one of the guy’s wives.

We just hit it off immediately because we’re a very similar type of geek so we’d just talk about TV or movies or anime while the others did their thing.

I thought I cracked the code, because now whenever spouses were invited to the hangouts I could show up & have a good time, and I thought it’d make my wife happy.

It did not.

You can see where this is going, right?

Instead of her being happy that I’m coming, she’s now acting jealous & saying that it’s weird how close I’m getting to that woman.

I told her it’s not weird, she’s just the one person I get along with well in that group outside of herself.

My wife asked if I would make more of an effort to not just interact with her, and I said no.

I again said that the choice was hers – she could invite me to the hangouts or not invite me, and I would respect it.

He says it’s not as though this is some ongoing thing.

Moreover – I’m not actually close to that woman.

I don’t have her number, we aren’t connected on socials, I genuinely have no contact with her outside of the group, but if my wife is going to insist I come to these things, I’m not going to force myself into having a worse time.

My wife said I’m an AH for not putting her needs & wants first, but I told her that’s selfish to claim, because she’s basically telling me to put myself last regularly so she can both get to bring me to these hangouts but also discourage me from enjoying myself when I come.

It seems controlling and petty.

So I just again said she can decide if she wants me there or not, but she does not get to dictate how I behave.

So AITAH?

Here’s what the comments made of this:

Seems like a no-win situation.

It’s odd.

You’re an accessory to a weird crime.

Hope you two can work this out.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.