Couple Argues About What Last Name To Give Their Child, And When They Finally Make A Decision, The Husband’s Mom Complains

Jayne Elliott

2 months ago

Shutterstock/Reddit

Whose decision is it to pick a baby name?

The parents. That’s who. That goes for first, middle and last name.

Imagine arguing with your spouse about what to name your child and finally reaching a decision, but then your mother-in-law complains.

Would you change the child’s name to please the mother-in-law, or would you stick with your original decision?

That’s the situation the woman in this story finds herself in, and she does not want to change her baby’s name.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA? Son’s last name conflict

My husband and I just had a son (8 weeks old).

Two years before conceiving, we talked about what last name our child should have.

I wanted both our names included, but he insisted it should only be his because “that’s how it’s traditionally done.”

He cares a lot about what others think, especially his family, and kept saying none of our friends’ kids have both names, so why should ours?

They discussed this name issue quite a bit.

He was fine with including his name, but didn’t understand why mine mattered. He said my last name could be a middle name, but not part of the last name.

I tried discussing this multiple times before pregnancy, but he avoided it and at a certain point he wouldn’t participate in the conversation so I assumed while it wasn’t his ideal choice that he had slowly come around to it overtime in the last two years.

Fast forward to my third trimester, he randomly brought it up again (first time on his own without my initiating the convo) and said he wouldn’t be happy if my last name was included.

They ended up compromising.

I asked why he decided to bring it up now when in 8 months pregnant vs before and he just shrugged.

Side note I was already so stressed in my third trimester because of other pressures from his family at this time that I ended up with preeclampsia during the birth. (I won’t get into that now).

Anyway, we ended up hyphenating our son’s last name (mother’s – father’s).

Today, he sent a picture of our son’s passport to his parents, and his mom got upset that my name came first, saying it should be dad’s first.

She really didn’t think this would be an issue.

I just read that this is common in Spanish/Hispanic families, but I’ve never heard of it as a “rule” for Americans, and we’re Indian, so there’s really no norm.

Now my husband wants to switch the order, after the birth certificate, passport, and all documents have been made when our son already has an identity at 8 weeks old.

My husband feels like I “duped” him, but I had no idea about this supposed “rule” and never intended to mislead him.

I just assumed the dad’s name would come last since people often forget the middle of the name, and traditionally, when women marry, they add their husband’s name at the end (e.g., Jane Doe marries John Smith → Jane Doe-Smith).

So it never occurred to me that a child’s name would be reversed (Paul Smith-Doe).

She doesn’t want to change her child’s name.

I would’ve been fine with a specific order if we had talked openly in the past 2-3 years. I just wanted my name included and since I’m a woman, I felt like beggars can’t be choosers on if it’s first or last.

But I don’t want to change my son’s last name now that he already has an identity and especially not because my MIL is upset about it and putting negative thoughts in my husband’s head.

His parents often insert their opinions into our lives and it always causes a rift between my husband and me because he’s stuck in the middle.

What would you do in this situation?

It sounds like the in-laws need to mind their own business. Her husband was fine with the name until he talked to his mom.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

The in-laws are way too involved.