Imagine having a really close relationship with your older sibling, but when you are all grown up, that close relationship becomes toxic.

That’s the situation in this story where one brother tries to manipulate the other brother to do what he wants and gets really mad when it doesn’t work, but the brother who is being manipulated is so close to the situation he’s not sure who is in the wrong.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for not asking my brother’s ‘permission’ before agreeing to a joint wedding plan with my in-laws?

So I’m getting married on November 30 this year.

My father-in-law suggested we do a joint wedding with my fiancé’s two younger sisters (mostly for money and logistics) and after talking it over, both families thought it made sense.

Everyone except my brother (he’s 11 years older) and his wife. They were against it, said it would be “chaotic.”

His brother was upset that nobody listened to him.

We decided to move forward anyway, and then he called me furious not even about the joint wedding, but because I didn’t “discuss” this with him first.

He said I embarrassed them in front of my in-laws by making them look like the only ones who disagreed. He basically accused me of setting him up.

Then he got mad I didn’t convince my fiancée to go along with him.

She had already talked to them and said she preferred her dad’s plan for a one-day wedding, so apparently me agreeing with her meant I “chose her side” over theirs.

His brother got even more upset.

When he was yelling at me on the phone, I told him to calm down and “fix this” instead of screaming.

He snapped, “How dare you say this to me.”

I asked, “Can’t I say this out of genuine concern for your health?”

And he said flat out, “No, you can’t.”

His brother has thought he was the center of the universe for awhile now.

This isn’t new behavior.

He’s always wanted a say in my big decisions, like he had veto power.

He and his wife keep pushing us to live near them, hinting that my fiancée could help with their kids.

Years ago, in another fight, he randomly texted me: “You are the biggest fraud life has done for me.”

That text changed everything.

That text honestly shook me and I’ve been walking on eggshells around him since.

We were really close growing up he felt like a second parent in some ways. That closeness was my whole world, and I never built other strong friendships.

Now that I’m finally making decisions for myself, I feel like I’m breaking some unspoken rule and it’s terrifying.

Since this call, I’ve been anxious and replaying everything over and over.

He’s not sure is he’s overreacting or if his brother is wrong.

Was I selfish for not running this by him? Is it normal for siblings to expect this kind of influence over your choices? Or is this just controlling behavior?

Honestly, it feels like withdrawal from something I thought was love but might have been control.

Every time I try to stand up for myself, he acts betrayed.

I feel like a little kid learning to walk, and he keeps knocking me down. I’m scared of setting boundaries because I don’t know if he’ll just cut me out of his life. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is actually toxic.

It’s toxic. His brother is toxic. His brother has no say in his wedding plans.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

This person suggests going low contact with the brother.

Here’s another similar comment.

This person calls the brother unhinged.

Boundaries are important.

His brother needs to back off!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.