Some people want to stay home with the kids when they are born, and others want to get back to work.

What would you do if your sister-in-law had previously criticized you for staying at home, but then got upset if you asked if she was excited to get back to work several weeks after she had a child?

That is what happened to the mom in this story, and she was really caught off guard for her sister-in-law’s reaction to her question.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA for asking my 6wk postpartum SIL if she is excited to get back to work?

I (28f) have been with my husband (31m) for 3yrs, married for 2 and we have a 2.5yr old child.

I’m currently 2m pregnant with our second and last child.

When DH and I met, I was child-free by choice, and I was at the top of my career when we had our child, I was devastated at the thought of going back to work.

They seem to be doing quite well.

DH is a blue collar man, also at the top of his field, we own our vehicles and he bought his (our) home at 21 and has a fantastic interest rate.

I lived frugally, well beneath my means, and had modest, but relevant, savings and investment accounts. We made the decision I would become a SAHM until the second child enters kindergarten.

Being able to stay at home with children is a real blessing.

It was the best decision of my life.

My BIL met and married my SIL during this time, when I made my decision to be a SAHM we were discussing it at a family dinner and we actually had a small “debate” her argument was essentially “I could never give up my career for my child, I can’t give up that part of myself.

My career is my passion and a big part of my identity and it’s sad when women lose themselves in motherhood.”

She handled it very well I think.

I’m very secure in myself and my choices and I said that I’m glad she knows what she wants just as much as I do and left it at that.

That was about a year and a half ago now, well they have a beautiful 6wk old child (her first, his second) and I have tried to help without overstepping as we are not particularly close.

This is so kind.

This included a meal train and lots of babysitting my nephew (BIL’s first child who is 4) while SIL and the NB are settling in.

Here’s the actual incident where I might BTA.

A fair question, given their past conversations.

We were at a family event today and I asked her if she is excited to get back to work as I know her mat leave is only 8wks. BIL went back to work weeks ago as I believe he only got 2wks.

She looked at me super offended and shocked and told me she couldn’t believe I would ask that.

She wasn’t being intentionally mean.

I clarified and said I knew how important her work is to her and that her clients were surely missing her (she is a fantastic, highly sought after beauty technician).

Again she looked at me highly offended and said something to the effect of “well I HAVE to go back to work, we aren’t all spoiled brats” which honestly just ruined the whole vibe.

I just looked at her like what and she walked away.

I don’t see how people could think she was out of line.

Well now the whole family is in a disagreement because apparently I was rubbing it in her face that I get to stay home and she doesn’t?

Half the family remembers very clearly that she herself chastised me for my choice and think she’s being dramatic and hormonal, the other half thinks that I am a spoiled and I shouldn’t “shove it in people’s faces,” so there it is AITA for asking her if she was excited to get back to work being a SAHM myself?

Do I apologize or what?

If anything, she was being supportive in talking to her about her job, which she knows she loves. I think the new mom is just being overly sensitive.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

People can change their minds.

That may be insensitive.

I think this is a little harsh.

Here is someone who says she was needling the new mom.

This commenter says she changed her mind.

Apologize and move on.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.