After her dad’s death, a woman was blindsided when her ex-stepmom—divorced from him for 15 years—demanded a copy of his death certificate.

When she refused and told her to go through the proper channels, the ex accused her of being cruel.

Read on for the story.

AITA for not giving up my dads death certificate?

So my (30) dad (63) died recently and my sibling “Taylor” (30s also) and I have been handling everything as we are his next of kin. He’s been divorced almost 15 years from my ex–stepmom “Helga.”

They were married about 5 years, had no kids, and she wasn’t financially dependent on him. He never remarried but she remarried a couple years later but occasionally texted him to check in.

After he passed, she tried helping us pick a funeral home and even suggested getting the state to cover his cremation since Taylor and I were paying.

We asked if she had any pictures for the memorial and she said she’d look. But Helga has also continuously asked for the death certificate.

Hmmm…

Taylor told her I was the one working with the funeral home and handling the certificate. Not even a minute later I got a text from Helga saying she wanted to send me money for a copy.

I responded: “I’m not comfortable providing Dad’s death certificate. It contains sensitive personal details and I need to protect that.

If you truly need a copy, you can request one directly through (state) Vital Records, and they’ll let you know if you’re eligible and how to get a copy.”

She replied that was fine, asked if I had gotten one yet, and thanked me when I said we were still waiting and I thanked her for her understanding. I thought it was a mature conversation.

I think not.

WRONG. She then texted Taylor upset that I “said no to getting me a death certificate so I feel very hurt.”

He and I talked a lot. I will think about sending pictures. It’s not fair. I knew about his health issues… The last time I came to (state) we met up for coffee.” Taylor reminded her we’re grieving too.

But she pushed back saying, “I know what hurt is… but there’s really no reason I shouldn’t be able to have a certificate. I have the marriage license and other papers. Just wanted to close my file.”

Actually, there’s a lot of reasons.

At that point Taylor told her Vital Records will determine eligibility, and that withholding pictures of Dad because she didn’t get her way was immature and hurtful and that pictures are not a bargaining chip for documents.

Helga replied, “I can say the same. I have his SS number and DOB. Remember I was married to him almost 6 years. If I find pics with you girls I’ll send. If you can’t say how he passed then it must be really bad. May God rest his soul.”

We haven’t responded since, but it feels so wrong.

She isn’t entitled to his death certificate and I advised her how to get one if she feels she should have one but the way she’s demanding it makes me uneasy and like I am being used for something slimy.

So AITA for making her go through Vital Records instead of just handing it over to avoid conflict?

Reddit said the daughter is NTA—death certificates are private.

This person says ex-spouses don’t get special rights.

This person says OP is completely right to direct her where to go.

And his person says she probably has other motives.

An ex demanding paperwork isn’t family—it’s just drama in disguise.

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