Imagine having a big moment in your life when you’re about to accomplish something really important to you. Would you want your parents there, or would you be upset if you found out they were coming?

In this story, one student is upset that their dad wants to attend their PhD defense, and they got into an argument about it.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITAH for cutting off my father who wanted to ‘secretly’ come to my PhD defense?

Ok so my PhD defense is in just a few hours.

Earlier this week my PhD department called me and told that my father “has just called them to ask for the link to the live stream of the defense”.

I was so ticked off that he reached out to the Uni directly and felt it was a power move. So I called him back immediately and we had quite a heated exchanged.

His dad thought he’d want him there.

He acted all surprised etc. as he “would expect I’d appreciate the support”. He also mentioned that he might come in person.

I directly asked him not to.

He rebutted that the defense is open to the public and he’ll “decide it himself whether to come”.

This was ridiculous.

Here’s how the conversation ended…

I asked if when’d he plan to lmk about this — there were just a couple of days left.

He told that he’d call me on Thursday to confirm.

We then exchanged a couple heated messages, but nothing directly offensive.

His dad decided not to come after all.

This morning, the day of the defense, he messaged me that he “naively thought anyone needs support from the closest ones” but “apparently not from the ‘unwanted’ people.” And he also told me to consider refunding him the price of the tickets he had already bought. Like ???

So he had the tickets all that time? And yet chose not to tell?

He is wondering if he should’ve handled it differently.

I think I did the right thing when I called him directly to tell how inappropriate and unsupportive it all was. What I messaged him is that I felt like he wrestles this day from me, but the achievement is mine and mine only. I don’t intend to refund him anything.

So I don’t think IATH, but it still feels somewhat bad.

TBH I feel profoundly relieved he won’t come today. Sometimes I miss the person he used to be decades ago (or is it my head), but now he’s just bitter and old.

Could I do anything differently?

I feel like I’m missing a lot of backstory. Why didn’t he want his dad there? I’m confused.

Let’s see what Reddit thought of this story.

Another PhD student shares their experience.

This is a good point.

Boundaries are important.

This person encourages him to focus.

Another person shares a different perspective.

He needs to focus not stress out about his dad.

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