For some people, after a few years go by, the line between who you married and who you thought you married blur completely.

How would you handle your spouse turning out to be far less motivated and put together than you originally thought?

One woman recently asked Reddit for guidance on how to navigate this issue.

Here are the details.

I want to abandon my marriage after 4 years. AITAH?

To start I (33F) have been married to my husband (30M) for 4 years and we’ve been together for 6 years.

Our relationship has had a couple of highs but mostly lows and I would say 90% of it has to do with finances.

For the past 6 years I have worked and tried to support our little family while my husband has not.

That’s more than just a “high and low”.

Other than some mild ADHD he has no reason not to work but every time he does find a job (which has been maybe 5 jobs in that time) something catastrophic always happens and he ends up losing the job for one reason or another.

I barely make enough to support us and that’s mainly our bills and gas for me to get to work, I finally had to swallow my pride and get us on food stamps because I couldn’t afford any groceries.

I have talked with him, I have pleaded with him, to get a job and it never seems to get through to him how bad it is.

Seems like there’s a common denominator here.

Even when our utilities have been shut off multiple times he still wouldn’t find work.

I started threatening divorce this year and he did better for a little bit, got a job that turned him into a different person and then he got fired.

4 months later I threatened again because he wasn’t trying to find a job that time he worked really hard to find something and that lasted about 2 weeks.

This sounds exhausting.

He got hired and then was laid off 2 weeks later due to an asthma attack, he was given a day and a half to recover and he was let go for not coming back to work that entire week.

I had been thinking about divorce again because I just can not keep doing this and because he wanted to talk about it I told him I was looking at divorcing him and moving back to the state my family is in.

The only thing that has given me any joy in the past month was thinking about finally living on my own, even found a cute little house I could afford on my own that wouldn’t take every cent for rent.

Sounds like she may have already found her answer.

He managed to convince me that he has now essentially seen the light on what he’s done wrong and his siblings, that he texted while we were talking, had let into him about it and that he was going to change.

We shook that he would be better.

But now it’s the next day and I am so angry at myself for caving in and I’m wondering if just abandoning my marriage would be better?

He’s certainly not thinking about the consequences of abandoning his job!

Clearly every time I try to talk to him I cave and give him another shot when he doesn’t deserve it.

The state we live in either one of us could file for divorce after 6 months of abandonment. So AITAH?

The comments offered an outpouring of support.

And criticism of the husband.

Some offered some in-between advice.

One person offered words of warning.

And another offered one alternate perspective.

Vows are for better or for worse, not whatever this nonsense is.

If you liked that post, check this one about a guy who got revenge on his condo by making his own Christmas light rules.