If your mom were going to marry a man who had a young child with multiple disabilities, would you be willing to take classes to learn how to care for this child so that you could babysit, or would you refuse?

The young man in this story is in this situation, and he does not want to take the classes or babysit.

Is he a bad person for feeling that way, or does his decision make sense? His mom and her fiancé disagree about the answer to this question.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for not wanting to help my mom and her fiancé with his disabled child?

I (20m) moved out of my mom’s (42f) house a couple of years ago when I went to college.

Until 10 months ago I had my own room there but her fiancé (45m) and his two kids (6m and 4f) moved in with her.

The 4 year old has a host of disabilities. I know they have a seizure disorder and a condition called osteogenesis imperfecta. But I believe there’s another one involving paralysis or spasms of the stomach/esophagus.

My mom took classes for over two months before her fiancé moved in so she would know how to take care of his daughter. Her fiancé’s ex is totally out of the picture so mom decided she would need to step up completely, which I get.

He no longer has a room at his mom’s house.

I have been back twice since mom’s fiancé moved in with his kids. The first time was at Christmas and I stayed with my grandparents because my old room went to the 4 year old and there was no spare room for me.

My mom was disappointed but I pointed out it would stop me getting in the way of their routine too.

The second time was late June/early July I was home for a few weeks and again stayed with my grandparents.

Mom offered to buy a pull out bed for me but I said I was good with my grandparents.

He wasn’t expecting this question.

When I was home and whenever I went to mom’s I was asked if I had looked into taking the same classes mom had or if I’d like them to set me up with them.

I said no and asked why I’d need to take them.

Mom said she had hoped I would want to help them. She said it would mean I could step in if an emergency came up.

And I told mom she’d be better to find someone professional for that because I was not taking on that responsibility.

His explanation seems reasonable.

Her fiancé asked if I’m just never going to stay at the house and I said yes.

I told them I would have zero privacy if I slept there and it wouldn’t benefit any of us. I pointed out how they’d be so busy anyway that I wouldn’t have time with mom that much and I’d get just as much staying somewhere else and planning ahead of time to visit when she’s not super busy.

Her fiancé then said it sounded like I didn’t want to learn how to care for his daughter and planned to be limitedly involved with him and his kids.

I said I’ll see them when I see mom but I won’t be signing up for babysitting or future caregiver responsibilities.

This really is a lot to ask.

Mom and I went for a walk together after I said that and she told me she got it but that she hoped I’d be willing. She said it’s a lot to ask and I don’t even live that close anymore so it would never be all the time but she asked me if I was really that unwilling to even give them a few hours off when I would visit.

She said it would be so helpful.

I told her I would visit and want to spend time with her but babysitting her future stepkids was not in my plans. And especially not one so medically complex and in need of specific care.

She was upset but let it go.

But his mom’s fiancé didn’t let it go.

Her fiancé is holding a grudge about it.

He brought it up to my grandparents when Christmas was brought up.

They said they got the feeling he was also annoyed they gave me a place to stay during my visits because it gives me an excuse not to get closer to his kids and therefore be more willing to learn how to take care of his daughter.

AITA?

They should not expect him to be a built in babysitter. If he wanted to, fine, but he doesn’t want to. They’ll need to hire someone.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

It really is a lot to ask.

This person thinks his grandparents are on his side.

This is probably true.

Here’s a suggestion to talk to his grandparents.

He needs to stick to his decision.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.