When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to discuss everything before getting married, and that includes what kind of wedding you imagine for yourself.

For this young couple, they started discussing the size of their hypothetical wedding, and it stirred up some stress and conflict between them.

Let’s dive into the story and find out what’s going on!

WIBTA for not wanting a traditional large wedding?

My bf and I, both 25, have been dating for over 3 years and live together.

Naturally the topic of getting married has come up and is something we both want to do in the future.

Where we differ is what our idea of a wedding is. Keep in mind we’re not engaged.

Our relationship is great, but this theoretical day has already caused a few disagreements.

Let’s see where they differ…

I’d describe my bf to have a traditional view on what a wedding can be. To him that is what a wedding is, while I think this style wouldn’t be enjoyable to me as a bride.

Context: bfs family is very Catholic. While my family is a patchwork of Catholic, other Christians or non-religious.

I am confirmed Catholic, but have decided to not continue with that faith.

When we moved in together my family didn’t care and let us make that decision.

On his side we are not allowed to talk about it around the kids that still live under his parent’s roof and discouraged to mention it around extended family.

I love his family and am close to a few of them, who do know we live together and support it.

His parents are also very supportive overall and I respect how they choose to raise their kids.

Back to the theoretical wedding.

Here’s where the conflict starts.

Prior to meeting my bf, I said I’d want to elope. My family wouldn’t be surprised if I did this because they’re know me well.

Now I know I have to compromise, this day isn’t just about me.

I agreed that we will get married in a Catholic Church per his parents wishes and bfs own idea of what a wedding should be, though he isn’t particularly a practicing Catholic anymore.

Where we don’t agree is the size of the guest list and reception.

If I planned the wedding it would be about 80 people, just immediate family, grandparents, close friends, and extended family we have current close relationships with. We’d go to mass and then a nice dinner.

I don’t want a bridal party, or dance/big party. Bfs idea is the traditional reception that you invite all the extended family to, family friends, etc. as to not start drama or hurt feelings.

Typing that it doesn’t feel like he’s asking for much but his family is large.

She’s clearly conflicted.

If we were to do that the guest list would be about 200 people with majority of them being on his side.

I want to invite his family members we both have current close relationships with but I don’t particularly want to invite the ones I’ve only met or talked to a few times since we’ve been together, or have never met.

He said that’s rude and I can’t exclude people because they’re his family.

Which I see, but I just don’t want it comply and have a wedding filled with people I don’t know or am not comfortable around.

My 80 people list would cut out a lot of my own extended family, but my family isn’t as large as his.

To him it feel is like I’m trying to exclude his family and cause drama. To me inviting those we’re close to over familial connections means more.

Let’s see what the comments say.

This Reddit user thinks there’s nothing to worry about.

Another user praises the couple for talking about this now.

A commenter had a compromise that might work!

While this commenter thinks they should cut their losses.

While it may seem silly to talk about wedding guests when they’re not even engaged, but if they solve their problems now, there won’t be as much stress in the future!

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.