When kids grow up, they need to move out on their own and start making their own decisions, which often causes conflict with the parents.

What would you do if your father said that if you moved in with your fiancé, he would cut you off and not speak with you anymore?

That is what the young man in this story is dealing with, but he thinks he should stand up for himself and continue on with his plans.

AITAH for standing up to my Father (62M) when he said he would cut me off if I (24M) moved in with my Fiancé (23F)

Me (24M) and my Fiancé (23F) recently got engaged 2 weeks ago, lets call her Anne.

This is obviously a very serious relationship.

We have been together for roughly 3.5 years and couldn’t be happier together. We both share the same interests and hobbies etc. and have been able to grow through the course of our relationship to what it is now.

I truly see her as the love of my life and wouldn’t trade her for the world.

It is wonderful to have a strong relationship with your father.

My father (62M) has also been my rock. He’s always been there for me through thick and thin and I consider him and I to be very close.

My father is a deeply religious man, who pulls a lot from biblical teachings on how best to live his life. Even in some of his advice he gives to me, he always tries to push me in the right direction.

He wants to have a good relationship with his future daughter-in-law.

Some backstory, throughout my relationship with Anne my father has been the kind of person who wanted to have a cordial and talkative relationship with her.

Not in the constantly talking 24/7 way but more in the her reaching out to say what’s up or to talk to each other about what’s going on in each others’ lives.

Anne has been supportive in this and occasionally talks to him when she can.

The problem lies in how my father expects the conversation to go. He is a person who thinks something should be a certain way and if it isn’t, he isn’t afraid to tell people about it.

He needs to understand that she is busy.

He tells me that while he likes when she reaches out, it doesn’t seem like enough to him, or it doesn’t seem like she’s interested in his interests.

I’ve talked to Anne about this in the past, and while I understand where my dad is coming from, she also has told me that she’s uncomfortable with him making it seem like she’s forced to speak to him.

Maybe he is overly sensitive about this.

I have supported her on this and have had multiple conversations with my father that some relationships can’t be forced and that she will reach out when she wants to.

My father being the stubborn type takes this as her not liking him. I’ve worked with him on several occasions to show she in fact does but he still thinks otherwise.

This past Thursday I spoke to him and my mother that over the next few weeks up until mid to late October I will be moving out from my shared space with my sister, and moving in with Anne.

It sounds like an opportunity they don’t want to pass up.

She has a good friend who has a living space in her and her husband’s home that they are willing to give us for pretty cheap while we do our pre-wedding planning, with the plans to move out into our own place next year once we’re married.

It works out for our situation as she currently works not too far from the house and its in a place that provides more jobs that would be an increase in my income.

The conversation with my father did not go well. My mother was immediately on my side saying that I am an adult that can make my own decisions.

It is not surprising that he doesn’t want them living together before they are married.

My father on the other hand, started rattling off different reasons why he didn’t think it was a good idea.

He said I would be too far from home, even though its only 40 mins away and I went to college down there anyway (that’s where Anne and I met).

Dad is just grasping at straws here.

When I rebutted that, he said I was abandoning my sister and leaving her to pay all the bills necessary for the home we live in. We live in a mobile home that my parents bought and only have to pay $400 plus utilities for lot fees etc.

My sister (21F) has had her ups and downs in her financial life but has recently found a better paying job and after talking with her first, she says that she will figure it out and doesn’t want to hold me down.

He was ready for any objections.

I’ve expressed that I will always be there to support her if she gets in another rut. Suffice all of this to say, I’ve already talked to her about this issue before I brought it up to them, and I have my sister’s full support.

This is where my dad truly got upset. He moved onto the topic of religion and how in the bible it states that a man and woman must not live together until they are married.

Dad isn’t wrong here.

I argued with him that there isn’t a specific verse in the bible that forebays it, rather a collection of verses that warns to have the right intentions and connections with God before doing so. We argued back and forth before he got progressively more angry and I decided to leave.

Wow, dad is willing to cut him off entirely.

We’ve had a couple of calls back and forth the last few days but it all culminated last night when he told me straight up that he “cannot support someone who blatantly goes against god’s teachings” and that if I go through with living with her, he will “never speak to me or Anne ever again”

My mother supports me, stating her only concern is that I’d be paying more to be in the apartment rather than being at the mobile home, and she just worries for my financial status.

Kids have to move out on their own eventually.

As stated before though, I have a good paying job now with the potential to land a pretty decent pay upgrade in the spot that we’re looking.

Anne also states that she never wants to push me to do anything, but feels we’re doing this for the right reasons and that it’s normal for me to stand up for myself in my mid 20s, which I agree with her on fully.

I am crushed to say the absolute least. I have had multiple breakdowns the last few days thinking that I might lose my father and that he won’t support me or Anne for the rest of our engagement/marriage.

I can see why this would be a concern, but you can’t let your father control you forever.

On top of that I am terrified he might not be at the wedding, which is something that would completely crush me.

I love my father to death, but this is something I feel that I shouldn’t back down from as a 24 year old man who can make decisions for myself.

I’ve read countless other stories of people who have cut off their parents for things they’ve done, but that just seems so foreign to me and it’s the last thing I want to happen.

It sounds like he wants to take a good approach to this difficult situation.

I’m looking for any advice to tell my father that even though I don’t agree with what he’s saying, it doesn’t mean I don’t respect him, but rather I’m becoming my own man and making my own decisions.

AITAH?

He needs to make his own decisions, and explain to his father that he isn’t doing it to hurt him, and that he must be allowed to make his own mistakes.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think of this situation.

He is making normal decisions for his age.

This person says it is time to grow up and move on.

This commenter thinks the father is a bad person.

This might be a bit extreme.

This person thinks the father is a narcissist.

You have to let your kids grow up.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.