Family reunions after foster care can be complicated and emotional.

This young man was separated from his four younger siblings when they were taken from their parents.

Years later, social workers urged him to reconnect with them.

But he and another sibling think it’s not a good idea unless their younger siblings are getting therapy.

Read the full story below and share your thoughts.

AITAH for deciding not to reunite with 4 of my siblings who are still in foster care unless they’re in therapy making progress?

I’m (19M) the oldest of five.

When I was 12, we were taken away from our parents.

Kaia (18F) and I were separated from the rest of our siblings because we had been forced into a parental role.

Our case worker and social worker decided it would be healthier for us to be with people who would let us just be kids.

This young man learned that his other siblings were put in different homes.

Our other siblings, Maddy (13), Miles (12), Jade (9), and Jase (7), were placed together in a different home from Kaia and me.

At some point, Maddy and Miles were placed separately from Jade and Jase

Because they were fighting so much over me and Kaia.

Maddy and Miles showed a lot of aggression toward Jade and Jase.

He and Kaia were asked if they wanted to reunite with their younger siblings.

The reason I found out is because as soon as Kaia aged out of the system, we were asked about reunification with our siblings.

And if we wanted to bring the family together in some way.

We asked for details, and that’s when we learned what happened.

My younger siblings have not been to therapy (at least none was disclosed).

And issues are still there over us and resentment of the youngest two from Maddy and Miles.

He thinks reuniting with them is not a good idea at the moment.

It sounds like Jade and Jase have a set of behavioral issues, too.

To me, it just feels like reuniting could make it worse.

I don’t want to be breaking up fights, and I don’t want to be asked to take them all in.

Kaia agrees.

Kaia also believes that they need to put themselves first.

She said it’s like a red flag that we were approached with so much force (that’s how it felt).

She said we need to put ourselves first, or else we’ll end up being really unhealthy.

And we’ll need way more therapy than we received.

She brought up that they might not take it well that we were adopted either.

And yeah, Maddy and Miles worry me with how they’d react, so we said no.

Their case worker was pressuring them about the reunification, but they stood firm on their decision.

I did make a point of saying we would be open to it if they were in therapy and making progress.

But we were told it was not our decision.

We got some pushback, but we said our minds were set.

The case worker we spoke to said it would not be good long term for the relationships if we won’t put the work in as the adults now.

I didn’t like that, and Kaia reported her for pressuring us. AITA for saying no?

Let’s read the responses of other people to this story.

You were right to say no, says this person.

This user shares their personal thoughts.

Here’s another helpful suggestion.

Short and simple.

Finally, this one makes sense, too.

Fix yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

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