A Woman’s Mother-in-Law Wasn’t Sympathetic When Her Mom Was Going Through a Medical Emergency, So She Told Her She Hurt Her Feelings

Matthew Gilligan

4 hours ago

Shutterstock/Reddit

The two main characters in this story got some work to do when it comes to their relationship!

But are they ever gonna figure it out?

That’s the big question, folks!

Read on and see what you think about this story from Reddit’s “Am I the *******?” page.

AITA for standing up to my MIL during a medical emergency with my mom and not reaching out afterward?

“My MIL picked up my kids from school where Grandparents Day was happening. She attended the event, then brought my oldest home, which I appreciated.

Meanwhile, my mom (who lives 4 hours away) was taken to the ER early that morning for chest pain and general discomfort. She was diagnosed with AFIB, maxed out on meds in the ER, and was admitted to the ICU.

This was a scary situation.

They couldn’t get her heart rate under control, and doctors were discussing possibly shocking her heart back into rhythm. They also asked about a living will — which really drove home the seriousness of the situation. Stroke risk wasn’t directly mentioned until later.

Thankfully, around 6 p.m., she spontaneously converted out of AFIB and back into a normal rhythm, which was a huge relief.

At around 4 p.m., MIL asked how my mom was doing. I gave her a quick update, and the conversation quickly went south.

Some people…

She started comparing her mom (my husband’s grandmother) to mine: “Well, my mom’s had AFIB for years.”

I responded that it’s not really comparable — apples to oranges. My mom had a heart attack last year, was diagnosed with lupus, and has POTS. MIL replied with, “Well, my mom had a triple bypass.”

At that point, I was hurt and upset. I told her she was dismissing my feelings and the situation. She said, “No, I’m not,” and reached out to touch my shoulder like she was trying to comfort me.

I backed away and said, “No. I’m telling you that you are — that’s what you’re doing.” She backed off and said, “I think I’m gonna go,” and left.

She was supposed to come back that evening for my husband’s best friend’s 30th birthday party — a party we were hosting at our house. What really stung is that she’s always referred to him as her “fourth son.”

She ghosted them.

So to bail on a big milestone like that — especially when the night wasn’t about her or about the conversation we had earlier — felt really bad to me. It should’ve been about showing up and being there for someone she claims to see as family.

Also: earlier in the day, I had asked if she could pick up our middle child after school since it was on the way. She said yes, but lost track of time and almost made our oldest late to tutoring — so she didn’t end up getting the middle. My husband and I talked about it and agreed he would pick him up on his way to Publix to grab the cake.

After MIL left, she texted us both: “I’m already in the car. I’ll go grab him for you.” I didn’t respond. She came back 30 minutes later, dropped him off, didn’t acknowledge me. I said, “Thanks for picking him up,” and she just waved a hand while walking to her car.

Now things are awkward…

This whole thing bothered me all night. Historically, MIL and I have had a good relationship. But I usually just let it go when she says something that hurts or minimizes what I’m going through.

Yesterday, for the first time, I said something. My best friend is proud of me for speaking up. But my mom — from the ICU — told me I should reach out and try to mend things, that it’s not worth damaging the relationship over one disagreement.

But I keep thinking: if I’m always the one bending and conceding, is it really an authentic relationship?

So… AITA for standing up to my MIL and not immediately reaching out to fix things?

Any advice on how to move forward is greatly appreciated too.”

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