Is it okay to show favoritism to nieces and nephews? If there’s a niece or nephew that you know better and like better, is it okay to spoil them and ignore the others? Or is that a really horrible thing to do?

In this story, one aunt is really only close to one of her nephews. She admits to spoiling him and showing favoritism. Now that he was accepted into his dream college, her offer to help is causing a lot of family drama.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA For Housing Only 1 Nephew For College?

I (F39) am very much NOT a kid person.

I can tolerate them in small doses, but I also find them uninteresting/annoying and don’t want any of my own.

I’m well aware that some find my child-unfriendliness off putting and can strategically fake it until I make it most of them time. I just prefer to avoid situations/relationships where I’m expected to interact with kids but when I can’t, I radiate “don’t talk to me” energy to deter them and will try to pawn them off/redirect them and escape.

Her siblings weren’t very understanding about her feelings about kids.

I had the good fortune to be the baby of the family during my generation, but as my siblings and cousins started having kids, they resented me for being a “deadbeat aunt” (as one cousin put it).

They kept pushing me to be involved with their kids, and I eventually snapped and told them how I felt about kids in general; afterwards, I was slowly iced out socially.

I stopped trying when I was hospitalized and only 1 person even bothered to visit, or even call.

But one brother stood by her.

The one exception was my brother Michael (M43).

He never questioned or undermined my decision. He was that one solve visitor when I was hospitalized.

He never tried to force his son Adam (M18) upon me, nor did he resent that I didn’t take a serious interest in Adam until he was 14.

Even when he was in the trenches in regard to parenting, he still made time to call or text, if sporadically.

She spoils Adam.

In the present, Adam is the only niece/nephew that I care about.

Yes, his cousins did not receive a fair opportunity to bond with me. Yes, I’m playing favorites; I’ve set up a 10K college fund,

I take him out for experiences monthly, and I’ve given him some pricey gifts, while his cousins get zilch.

Yes, this has caused friction in the past, but I’ve always been happy to be the bad guy.

It wasn’t possible to be discreet about her latest gift.

I try to be discreet (Adam has been instructed to attribute the gifts to his father and not me, and I did not tell him about the college fund until a month ago).

My latest gift however, has led to a major fall out.

I live in a desirable location in a major city with a while Michael/Adam lives nearby.

Adam was recently accepted to his dream school in said city, but it’s out of his budget. I offered to let him live rent-free with me, which would allow him to commute (my house is much close to campus) and thus, afford it.

Here’s the problem, and it’s a big one.

The issue is my other nephew Alex was also accepted into that school, and it’s also his dream school.

Alex comes from a disadvantaged background while Adam is middle class.

Alex won a partial scholarship to said school, but it’s still not enough.

When he heard about my offer to Adam, he asked (using Adam as an intermediary) to be included.

She doesn’t feel the same way about Alex as Adam.

I refused.

I’ve nothing against Alex, but I also haven’t talked to him for 15 years (not that we were ever close) and we simply don’t have an emotional connection.

It would also come at a massive opportunity cost; I rent out my spare bedrooms, and I’d lose 38K in rental income (yes, this is well below market rate) over 4 years.

It’s too bad this conflict is putting Adam in a tough spot.

Most of my relatives are now in arms.

They’ve given the ultimatum that either 1) I extend my offer to Alex as well 2) I rescind my offer 3) Adam rejects my offer, or they will go NC with Adam and Michael.

They’re calling Adam the “golden child” (he’s an only child), say that Alex deserves my help far more, and are “tired” of my favoritism.

She 100% knows she’s showing favoritism, but she doesn’t think that’s a problem.

They’re not wrong about my favoritism, but honestly…..IDGAF (about my ex-family).

Though I never blocked them or had a big fallout, we’ve been effectively NC. I value chosen family over people who happen to share my DNA and we’ve both made choices that demoted them to the latter category.

I’m also of the opinions that aunts and uncles are entitled to have preferences.

Furthermore, I don’t see what makes Alex more deserving; he certainly needs the help more, but that’s not my tab to pay.

She feels bad that Adam has an impossible decision to make.

Adam is in a more complicated situation.

Michael is willing to support whatever Adam chooses and refuses to pressure him.

Adam and Alex aren’t close, but accepting my offer would mean giving up many other familial bonds that Adam does value; rejecting it means Adam giving up on his dream school.

I do feel bad that my offer is forcing Adam to choose.

Adam’s extended family really shouldn’t put him in this position. It’s not his fault. And here’s one big difference. OP offered to help Adam. Alex asked for help. She shouldn’t be required to help everyone who asks, and it makes sense to want to help the people you feel the closest to, the people who have been there for you when you needed them.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

She made the right decision.

This is a good point.

If the siblings had been nicer to her, it might’ve been different.

Let the other aunts and uncles help Alex.

She shouldn’t be expected to help everyone.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.