Imagine growing up with a stepdad who refuses to let you mention your late father’s name in his presence. Would you go along with it or resent him forever?

In this story, a brother and sister grew up with a stepdad like that, and as soon as they could, they left home and never looked back. But their mom doesn’t seem to understand why they don’t stay in touch with her.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for reminding my mom she said we couldn’t have a relationship with her if we didn’t accept one with her husband?

My mom has me (27m) and my sister (29f) with our late dad. He died when I was 10 and my sister was 12 and when I was 15 my mom got remarried.

Her husband is “Frank” (fake name). From the very start my sister and I had issues with Frank.

We have bigger and smaller issues.

The two big issues are/were;

The first one is pretty insane.

1- He insisted that nobody mention dad in his presence. Didn’t matter who we were with or where we were it was not allowed. This included the times he tagged along when we went to see anyone from dad’s side of the family.

He would invite himself and then enforce this rule or he’d make us leave.

Mom let this happen. Even on dad’s anniversary or birthday we couldn’t talk about him if Frank was around and that included asking mom if she wanted to come to the grave with us.

Frank actually yelled at my sister during her graduation dinner because she had mentioned dad in her speech.

This issue is equally crazy, especially considering the first issue.

2- He inserted himself deeply into the relationship with our dad’s side of the family.

We could visit anyone on mom’s side without issue. He didn’t even care if we said anything to him.

But the second it was someone from dad’s side and he found out we only mentioned it to mom he would scold us and insist we needed to ask his permission to see them. Then he’d tag along frequently and invite himself to see them too.

This went for a lot of stuff. Mom had already stopped coming with us before she even met Frank. But he insisted on being there and if my sister or I said we didn’t want him to come then he told us we couldn’t go.

If whoever we went to see didn’t want Frank inside the house he’d say then we weren’t allowed inside either.

Once my sister moved out he was mad that she spent more time with dad’s side and he tried to tell her what to do still. She was having none of it.

He and his sister decided to give their mom what she wanted.

My sister and I talked to mom about ALL our issues with Frank and we told her we didn’t want a relationship with him.

She always told us we needed to have one with him to have one with her.

We took her at her word and my sister stopped talking to her and once I moved out so did I.

We stopped going to see her or spending holidays with her (and Frank). We didn’t invite her over or initiate any contact.

Their mom noticed.

She brought it up a few times how we were bad at maintaining the relationship.

And we told her we weren’t. We just weren’t maintaining it but she ignored us.

She tried to come and see us a few times.

We told her no Frank so she never came.

We let her birthday pass without any acknowledgement and when she’d tell us about Frank’s birthdays we’d work to forget the date.

He has big news, but he didn’t tell his mom.

A few weeks ago I got engaged.

I didn’t tell my mom or ask anyone else to but the news got to her. She was upset she didn’t hear it from me and upset I said no to he throwing an engagement party for us.

She never even met my fiancée which was something else that upset her. She asked how she’s supposed to meet her for the first time at the wedding.

And I told her she’s not supposed to. I said she won’t be invited.

He has very good reasons for not wanting Frank at his wedding.

My mom did not expect that at all and she asked me why.

I told her Frank is not welcome and she made it perfectly clear she won’t come. I reminded her that she said we can’t have a relationship with her if we won’t have one with Frank and I told her it would be over my dead body that I have a relationship with him.

My mom said we were supposed to love her enough to accept Frank.

And I told her I do not have to have a relationship with the man who would kick up a fuss over my dad being mentioned in his presence and who tried to control the relationship I had with my family. I reminded her dad is still my dad and I’d find a way to incorporate his memory into the wedding. I asked her if Frank would tolerate that or if he’d start yelling like at my sister’s graduation.

He is not about to change his mind.

She told me she doesn’t want to lose both her kids and she loves us.

I told her we love her but we’re not willing to accept that man she calls a husband.

Then she told me I was being so unfair and when she said what she did we could have talked about it more. That reminding her like this wasn’t right.

I said this was the consequences of her actions. I told her I could live with the consequences of not accepting Frank. That I can sleep fine at night knowing our relationship is what it is. And it isn’t my problem if she can’t do the same.

Now she’s upset and angry and apparently I’m the bad guy in her eyes. AITA?

Frank is very controlling and insane to think it’s okay to try to prevent kids from even mentioning their father’s name. OP’s mom is just as delusional as Frank because she can’t seem to see how controlling and horrible he is.

It sounds like she’s welcome at the wedding if she’s willing to go without Frank. I bet she won’t go.

What does Reddit think of this story?

His mom is definitely not the victim.

His mom chose Frank over him and his sister.

Here’s some encouragement to keep doing what he’s doing.

Yeah, Frank is obviously the problem here.

If his mom wants a relationship with him, she’s going to have to break from from his stepdad.

Thought that was satisfying? Check out what this employee did when their manager refused to pay for their time while they were traveling for business.