Imagine having kids and sharing custody with your ex. If your ex were remarried, would you be okay with your kids calling them mom or dad, or would that bother you?

In this story, one mom is okay with her kids calling their stepmom whatever they want to call her, but she’s not about to encourage them to call their stepmom mom.

Meanwhile, her ex feels quite differently about the situation.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA because I won’t lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too?

My ex (33m) and I (33f) share physical and legal custody of our two children (10m and 8f).

We broke up 6 years ago. He started dating his now wife (31f) 18 months or so after we broke up.

We all get along just fine and my ex met my current partner (35m) before our kids too.

The question is what the kids should call the stepparents.

My ex’s wife moved in with him 2 years ago and they married 5 months after she moved in.

The kids get along well with her. I know she loves them and I know she and my ex were hoping to have children of their own but they cannot due to a medical condition on her end.

This started a conversation between my ex and the kids about whether they wanted to call their stepmom ‘mom’ and they told him no. They told him they had a mom and a dad and that “Beth” (stepmom) and “Miles” (my partner) are extra people.

She found out about this from her kids.

There were conversations at my ex’s house about using bonus instead of step and about having two moms and possibly someday two dads.

But the kids said no to that and that they’ll only ever have a mom and dad.

My kids first mentioned it to me when their dad asked them to consider seeing their stepmom as their mom too. They told me they didn’t like it coming up again which is how I found out about other talks and they also said they didn’t want to her to be their second mom.

I suggested they tell their dad how they felt.

The kids were really honest.

They told him how they felt and apparently they were a little more forceful about it, saying they NEEDED to talk to him and it was serious lol.

He asked where this had come from and they admitted they talked to me.

He asked me what they said and I told him.

We talked about it and he said he didn’t think it was a big deal.

I told him I didn’t like this being forced on them.

I talked to their stepmom after that too and she told me she appreciated me telling the kids to be honest so they could change their approach.

This is a pretty bold thing to ask.

I don’t know how their approach changed but it doesn’t appear to bother the kids as much.

But now my ex wants me to tell them I want them to consider her their mom too. He told me it’s better for the kids.

I told him it would be a lie and not one I am comfortable telling.

Isn’t it obvious?

He asked me why it would be a lie.

And I told him I don’t want them to consider both of us their mom.

He told me I should. That his wife has been so good to the kids and I should want them to have more than just me for the mom role. He called me insecure and said he wouldn’t mind my partner being called dad.

I think she realizes exactly what’s happening, but her ex won’t admit the truth to himself.

I said it’s one thing to accept when the kids choose it. But it shouldn’t be forced. I told him I would never discourage them from calling her mom if they chose to and I would never discourage them calling my partner dad either if they wanted to. But I would never let that be forced on them either.

My ex said it’s a selfish parent who refuses to share and I’m putting my feelings before the kids best interest.

I suggested he reflect on whether he’s putting his wife’s feelings about not being able to have kids above our kids feelings.

He told me that’s my selfish wish to be their only mom talking.

AITA?

She’s doing nothing wrong. Her ex is crazy to think that a child’s mom would willingly tell the child she’s okay with them calling another person mom.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

This person calls the dad selfish.

Another person agrees that the dad is being selfish.

He probably doesn’t realize he’s pushing the kids away.

Exactly! The stepmom doesn’t have any say in this.

Not lying is almost always the right thing to do.

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