Every year, one family keeps their holiday gift exchange simple—a Secret Santa with a $150–$250 limit among the adults.

But this time, a mom thinks her 19-year-old daughter, who works at Starbucks and spends freely on herself, should join in instead of getting gifts from everyone like she did as a kid.

Is this the right move, or should the teen still be treated like a kid at Christmas?

Read on for the story.

WIBTA if I insist my adult daughter participate in secret Santa if she’d like Christmas gifts

I (43 F) have a 19 yo daughter. She graduated high school at 17, took a year off from college and is working at Starbucks.

This semester she finally has started taking some classes at the local community college.

After she graduated HS she moved in with my mom.

Great for everyone as my mom is a widow and my daughter and I needed space.

The Christmas gift exchange is the issue.

So, here’s the predicament, annually we do a secret Santa, we each pick one person we have a spending limit generally between $150 and $250.

But every year, because my daughter has been a minor and without a job, we always just got gifts for her and then did the secret Santa with just the adults.

Last year was the first year she was an adult, and we all still got her gifts!

This year I feel that she should participate in the secret Santa.

Her daughter isn’t all that responsible with her money.

Will I be a jerk if I insist that she should participate instead of getting individual gifts from each family member?

My reasoning, my daughter only started paying my mom rent about four months ago, and she only pays $400 a month for rent.

She is not saving her money that she has earned from Starbucks… Instead she does things like buy DoorDash almost daily, purchases things off of fast fashion sites and buys a pretty substantial amount of Mary Jane.

She’s not sure what to do.

I love her, and I have been trying to teach her how to budget, and save; but while you can lead a horse to water you can’t make them drink.

She has plenty of money and spends it on herself regularly, and if she wants gifts she should participate in the gift exchange.

So, WIBTA?

Reddit ruled YTA, saying the mom’s approach felt punitive and missed the spirit of the holiday.

This person says this is not her place to “fix.”

This person couldn’t even get passed the high limit for a Secret Santa.

And this person argued that if the daughter just started supporting herself and is juggling work and school, it wouldn’t hurt to give her a little grace—or at least a stocking.

Forcing holiday “adulting” rarely feels festive.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.