Imagine losing your spouse and raising two young children as a single parent. Would you eventually want to date again and remarry, or would you stay single for the rest of your life?

In this story, one man is in this situation, and he eventually remarries. Before he started dating, he asked his kids if they were okay with him dating, and it would’ve helped a lot if they had been honest.

Let’s see how the story plays out.

AITA for telling my now adult kids that I’m disappointed they judge me for remarrying after we lost their mother?

I was a widower in my early 40s after my wife, and the mother of my two oldest children, passed away. Our kids were 12 and 13 when she passed.

It was 4 years before I dated again and it took a few months to meet my now-wife.

I spoke to my kids when it was happening and they appeared supportive at the time.

But as soon as I was actually married again they pulled away from me and I noticed they were closer to my dad, who has been a widower for more than 40 years now and never dated or remarried.

He wanted to find out once and for all why they avoided him.

My adult kids (both in their 20s) have made many excuses to not see us and they met their younger brother once and never held him or interacted with him.

They tell me they’re too busy when I try to make plans with them but they never fail to spend time with grandpa.

I finally asked them if we could meet and talk, just the three of us and they were agreeable.

We met for coffee and I asked them why they had pulled away and I directly asked if they were really not okay that I had remarried. I told them I had believed them when they said it was okay with them to do so at the time.

They finally told him the truth.

They asked me what they were supposed to say when I asked.

And I said the truth because it would have been easier to talk things through more.

They told me that when I started dating again it changed how they saw me. They thought I was loyal and actually loved their mom as much as my dad loved my mom. But I saw myself moving on while my dad never could or wanted to.

They said my decision to date after losing their mother was like the end of our family and they were closer to my dad because they admired his dedication to my mom and they realized he was the example they wanted to follow, not me. They also said they felt I dishonored their mom by visiting her grave when I decided she wasn’t special enough to be my one true love and loved someone else.

It doesn’t sound like they’ll ever forgive him for remarrying.

I asked if they had always felt this way and they said yes. They told me they were so disappointed in me when they realized I was thinking of dating again.

I told them I was equally disappointed in them for judging me for remarrying. I told them I would always love their mom and to hear them question that and to accuse me of dishonoring her was hurtful.

They told me I had started over and even had another kid so I should just focus on that because they do not wish to be a part of the family anymore. And they told me I didn’t get to be disappointed in them when I had the perfect example growing up and decided to replace their mom.

They left and that was the last we spoke although it wasn’t too long ago.

AITA?

Wow. It’s too bad they weren’t honest about how they felt before he got married. It sounds like they might benefit from therapy, but they have the right to have their opinions and feelings about the situation.

What should this dad do now?

Let’s see what advice Reddit has to offer.

His kids clearly don’t understand what it’s like to be in his situation.

A widow shares her perspective.

This person thinks there’s more to the story.

Would it have mattered if his kids had told the truth?

There’s nothing he can do about it now.

If you liked that story, check out this post about a group of employees who got together and why working from home was a good financial decision.