Generosity can get complicated when the person you’re helping won’t help themselves.

So what would you do if your husband promised to help pay his niece’s private school tuition, but her own father refuses to get a job and take care of his own child? Would you cover the cost for the child’s sake? Or would you consider setting a few boundaries?

In the following story, one wife finds herself in this situation and is considering confronting her husband over it. Here’s what’s going on.

WIBTA for asking my BIL to contribute to his daughter’s special needs private school tuition as a condition of us helping them pay for it?

My [F34] husband’s [M39] niece [F11] was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

Her mother [F41] is exploring private schools as an option for our niece, and she asked my husband for help covering the tuition.

My husband had impulsively offered to help pay for private school two years ago, when we heard that our niece was having debilitating meltdowns in school. At the time, his sister did not have a need for it yet, because our niece was still in elementary school.

Her BIL is from a wealthy family and doesn’t have a job.

My sister in law is the breadwinner in the family. When she married her husband, she was in her early 30s and had never found a full-time job. They had our niece about a year after the wedding.

Her husband [M46], my brother-in-law, worked as a financial analyst for his dad’s friend’s firm at the time of their marriage. He was laid off when my niece was about a year old. This was his only job, and he has failed to get another job since.

He struggled with depression, and each time he started the job search, he would get discouraged and receive rejections. His family is fairly wealthy, so his parents have supported them throughout the years by helping them with two down payments.

She wants to help their niece, but not pay for everything.

My sister in law got a temp job six years ago. They have since had a second kid. It’s enough to keep food on the table for the family of four, and both sets of grandparents gift them with the yearly vacation.

Now that our niece is entering middle school next year, my husband’s sister is asking him for help. I am NOT ok with covering tuition entirely while her husband continues to not work.

We love our niece and ache to see her struggle like this, but my husband didn’t consult with me first when he initially made the offer. Later that night, he apologized and said that he should have asked me.

Now, she’s considering talking with her husband about it.

I am supportive of helping, and his big heart and generosity is one of many reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place.

We’re both in high-paying jobs and don’t have kids yet, but we will likely need the help of IVF in the future– we can afford to help our niece and pay for IVF, but it will come with sacrifices on our part.

My husband also works 18-hour days, and it pains me to see him pull all-nighters every other week, knowing that his brother-in-law sends the kids to after-school day care and doesn’t seem to do much at home to help my husband’s sister.

So, I want to tell my husband that we should require that the husband helps pay for tuition.

AITA?

Wow! Her husband is a generous man!

Let’s check out what advice the folks over at Reddit have to offer.

Here’s an excellent suggestion.

She should really consider this scenario.

According to this person, the plan isn’t sustainable.

For this reader, they should ask the rich grandparents.

She should talk to him. Most likely it will go really smoothly, and he’ll feel the same way she does, because he sounds reasonable.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.