Parenting is a whole lot of responsibility – and sadly, this is something that people sometimes forget.

Because when a kid is a kid, they are 100% reliant on their parents, not only for food and shelter, but for love and a sense of belonging – every word, every action, every lesson learned from a parent in some way shapes the child into adulthood.

This doesn’t mean parents can’t make mistakes – that’s an important thing for kids to learn too.

So when the woman in this story found herself being pressured to take in her elderly dad and stepmom, she was understandably hesitant – not because she didn’t care, but because of the way they had treated her and her brother as they were growing up.

Read on to find out what happened between them.

WIBTA if I don’t let my dad move in with me because of my stepmom?

I am a 41-year-old woman, married to Mark (48, male) and we have three kids: two sons aged ten and sixteen, and a fourteen-year-old daughter.

We do well financially, and we both come from wealthier families that we are close with. On my side that includes my mom and her family.

My parents divorced when my brother Gavin (39, male) and I were pretty young.

We were with each parent half the time for a few years, but then my dad moved across the state because he couldn’t find a good job in our hometown, and we went to stay with him every other weekend.

It sucked because obviously we missed our dad, but we made the best of the times we were there.

Let’s see how things changed as this woman and her brother grew up.

Dad married Tricia (66, female) when I was around ten. We were excited about her at first, but over time less so for a few reasons.

She wasn’t really that excited about us, and we weren’t invited to their wedding because it was childfree.

She had this horrible dog (and I love dogs) that was aggressive, so they kept him in the basement or in their room when we were there, but then she ‘felt bad,’ so we had to go to our rooms at 8:30pm – on weekends – so that the dog could roam around.

The dog was at the wedding, by the way, and on their holiday cards (we weren’t).

And the dog wasn’t the only thing that put them off Tricia.

She was just odd, standoffish, and awkward around us, even though we would always tell her how much we loved her and liked seeing her.

Sometimes on our weekends with dad she wouldn’t be around at all, and off with her friends.

After a while it was like we just got the message, so we kind of treated her like a neighbor or a coworker or something. Nothing super negative, just not like a loving and caring relationship.

They’d always go on vacations and to shows and stuff without us – even if our dad had us on those weekends, in which case we’d go to stay with family. Dad was always broke so it’s not like we needed luxury vacations, but it sucked knowing they’d go to Paris or Hawaii without us.

Granted, our mom made sure we had a great childhood and trips but it was never with dad… even though he did those things. Like, they went to Disney for their honeymoon and never took us.

As they got older, things just got weirder.

And then when I was older I found out other things.

I mentioned my mom’s family has a lot of money, my dad’s side is middle class and his job didn’t make a ton of money, even after he moved back.

My mom would have never told me this, but my aunt spilled a few years after I graduated from college that basically when they got married, Tricia was the breadwinner and wanted my dad to be more of a homemaker.

So he didn’t work much, and because her income didn’t affect child support, he basically paid my mom hardly anything, despite her having majority custody.

Yikes! And Tricia’s image just kept getting worse and worse in this woman’s eyes.

The other thing I found out from Tricia herself after a few glasses of wine a few years back.

She was telling me that she enjoyed us much more now, as she didn’t like kids, and it came up how my brother had wanted to move in with my dad full-time after I left for high school (he and my mom used to butt heads, they’re fine now, grass always looks greener kind of thing).

She was laughing about how she told my dad she didn’t sign up to live with kids full-time, and if he had entertained it she would have made him find a different house for him to live in with with Gavin.

She said four days a month was enough for her, and she was worried if he moved in he would never move out.

But the joke is on her: Gavin is awesome.

But as her dad becomes more elderly, new challenges are presenting themselves.

So yeah, all of that really is why I’m not a huge fan of Tricia, and it has also skewed my view on my own father, who has been sick for a while and it looks like doesn’t have a ton of time left.

Think years not months, but he does have someone who comes by daily to help out. That isn’t cheap, and he has brought up moving in with my brother or me.

My brother immediately said no, as their relationship really hasn’t been good since he didn’t let him move in and his kids are younger. So of course it’s falling to me, and while Mark thinks we could make it work, I’m wanting to tell my dad no.

This is not because of him exactly, but of course it would mean Tricia living with me. Her health isn’t good either, but she’s fine, nothing terminal and who knows how long she’d be here? And honestly – I never signed up to live with her.

And since the idea came up, she’s been given little choice over it.

The problem is that my dad thinks its a given. They’re looking to sell their house and keep making comments about moving into mine, they’ve even picked what room they want.

However, I already promised my son that room for making varsity (basement room, own bathroom, the plan is for him to have it, go to college, daughter gets it, goes to college, youngest gets it).

And the only other room is upstairs and that wouldn’t work for them.

I’m not going to tell my son he can’t have the room I promised him, and I’m not installing an elevator.

Which is leaving this woman in quite the pickle.

Nobody is against me, Mark is fine with whatever. His mom lived with us before she passed and as hard as it was, I’m so glad we did that and wouldn’t trade those years for anything.

If my mom needed to move in I wouldn’t even question it.

I might have some issues with him, but if it was just my dad, I also wouldn’t question it.

But the idea of letting Tricia live here after she was so unwelcoming to my brother and me just doesn’t sit right.

And now she’s facing a moral dilemma.

I don’t know why I feel so guilty about telling my dad no!

They have some money, they could afford to move to assisted living, but they say those are places for people without kids – which is Tricia!

I just know that I don’t want her living here, but why am I so conflicted?

AITA?

Clearly plenty of resentment has built up in this family over the years, and the father holds a lot of the blame for marrying a woman who wanted little to do with his kids until they were adults.

These kids missed out on having a dad, all because his new wife didn’t like children. He should have been a safe person in a safe environment for his kids to run to if they needed – but Tricia made quite clear that this would not be the case.

And now the shoe is on the other foot, Tricia and this woman’s dad are running to the salvation of his child’s home? It’s no wonder she’s not cool with this arrangement.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that the woman’s father had chosen a woman who didn’t like kids, and needed to live with that.

And others thought she was right to maintain her boundaries.

This Redditor, meanwhile, urged her to be quite clear about her refusal every time the subject came up.

This is exactly what they deserve.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.