If you were invited to a family member’s wedding but you were not very close to that family member, would you still go to the wedding, or would you decline the invitation?
In this story, one woman is invited to her cousin’s wedding, and she doesn’t want to go. She thought the way she declined the invitation was polite, but now she’s rethinking everything.
Let’s read the whole story.
AITA for how I declined my cousin’s wedding invite?
I (27F) am a PhD student who works two assistantships plus a part time job, for a total of 45 hours/week.
I grew up on the east coast and have a cousin (F27) who grew up on the west coast.
We didn’t get to see each other much growing up due to the distance, but the few times we did go out to visit her & her family, she was always inundated with swim meets and friend parties.
While my family and I would go do fun stuff in the city, shed always take off for those things instead of joining us, which really disappointed me as a child bc I wanted to spend the little time we had together.
Her cousin doesn’t sound all that great, and neither does her stepmom.
A few years ago, cousin moved across the country for nursing school in the same state my dad and stepmom live (only an 8-hour drive from me but still a few states away).
Stepmom always has this habit of picking on me & comparing me to this cousin (stepmoms a narcissist according to my therapist).
The one time we were all together for a family holiday, stepmom ridiculed me in front of everyone, and cousin defended her instead of standing up for me.
That was the big indicator that cousin and I don’t really have that true of a relationship, even though she always acts excited when we initially see each other.
She wasn’t expecting this!
Four months ago, cousin out of the blue asks me for my email, I give it to her, and then I receive an invite to her wedding (which will be held right by where my dad and stepmom live).
I didn’t even know she was engaged, she never texts me nor tries to ever initiate any communication- until now, of course.
I initially didn’t respond to the RSVP, but last week cousin followed up to ask me if I’d be coming.
She sent her RSVP with an explanation.
Here’s how I replied:
Hi Cousin,
“I hope your day is all you want it to be. My plate is already full between work, dissertating, and mentoring/teaching involvement within my field. I will not be able to attend.”
Best wishes,
OP
Her dad’s reaction made her rethink the RSVP she sent.
Dad texted me yesterday in shock that I wont be coming, despite everyone else going, and even said to next time be more polite when declining an invitation.
I asked what he meant, and he said cousin was kind of hurt and put-off by how I responded, especially after she had to reach out to me a second time.
I don’t feel I did anything that bad, but does my response really make me an AH?
Was her RSVP note rude? Would it have been better to not give an explanation at all?
Let’s see what Reddit has to say about this invitation situation.
This person thinks she messed up by listing what she’s doing instead.
Here’s a similar comment.
Everyone seems to think “no” would’ve been better than explaining.
At least she didn’t mention the swim meet in the RSVP.
This person thinks she messed up for another reason.
Yes, RSVPing for a wedding is important.
Sometimes saying “no” is better than explaining.
If you liked that story, check out this post about an oblivious CEO who tells a web developer to “act his wage”… and it results in 30% of the workforce being laid off.