Having a child does not automatically turn distant relatives into close family.

So, what would you do if your in-laws made little effort to stay connected, but suddenly expected you to be involved because they had a child?

Would you step into the role out of obligation? Or would you keep the same distance because nothing has really changed?

In the following story, one woman finds herself in this predicament and doesn’t feel comfortable forcing a relationship.

Here’s what happened.

AITA for not being very involved with my sister-in-law’s child when we aren’t close to them at all?

I (43F) have been married to my husband for several years. His brother and I aren’t particularly close, and my husband and his brother have never been close.

My sister-in-law (39F) and her husband have a child who is now 4 years old. Over the years, there’s been a growing sense (mostly indirectly) that they feel slighted or hurt that we aren’t more involved in their child’s life.

Here’s the thing: we’re not close. Not emotionally, not socially, not geographically.

The in-laws have never made an attempt to be close.

They have never made much effort to build a relationship with us.

They didn’t even reach out when our beloved dog passed away, which was genuinely heartbreaking for us. That really stuck with me.

We moved 8 years ago, and they have never once come to visit us. The explanation we’re given is always “it’s hard with a kid,” but their child is only 4 years old, and this lack of effort started years before he was even born.

Things have changed now that they have a child.

There’s very little communication overall. We don’t talk regularly, we’re not invited into their lives in any meaningful way, and my husband and his brother barely speak unless it’s at a family event.

Yet, somehow, the expectation seems to be that we should be more present, more involved, more invested—simply because there’s a child now.

I don’t dislike their kid at all, but I don’t feel comfortable forcing a level of closeness that doesn’t exist with the adults. Relationships don’t magically deepen just because someone has a baby, especially when there’s been no effort or reciprocity on their side for years.

AITA?

Wow! No wonder she’s upset by all this. Trying goes both ways.

Let’s see what the readers over at Reddit have to say about what’s going on here.

According to this reader, they had aunts and uncles they didn’t know.

Here’s an interesting thought.

For this person, she’s giving them the same energy.

This person understands not being close to their sibling.

She should not feel bad because this is not on her at all.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.