A woman in her early 30s has been best friends with the same man since childhood, a purely platonic, sibling-like bond that’s been accepted by both families for decades. She even helped set him up with his now-wife in high school.

Over the years, the wife gradually distanced herself, cutting the woman out of her social circle entirely, while the lifelong friendship between the two best friends remained intact.

Read on for the story.

AITAH for causing issues in my best friend’s marriage?

I (30F) have been best friends with A (31M) since we were 10. We grew up together, went to the same schools, and are like siblings.

There has never been anything romantic between us. Our families are very close, and my mom treats him like a son.

In high school, A met his now wife, Bea (31F). Bea and I were part of the same larger friend group with four other girls, A, and two other guys. I was close to her at the time, I even helped set her and A up.

After high school, A moved abroad for med school. Bea and I stayed in the same city, but she and the four other girls formed a new group chat and social circle that excluded me. It hurt, but I took it as a clear signal they didn’t want to be close, so I moved on and made other friends. I don’t hold any resentment about this now.

Fair.

A and I remained best friends.

When he visited home, we spent time together when he wasn’t with Bea. I always spoke well of Bea, heard about her through A, and always held her in high regard as being secure and level headed, especially given their long-distance relationship. A continued to be included in my family events.

During this time, I met and married my husband (33M). He fully trusts me, adores A, and has never felt threatened by our friendship.

Last month, A and Bea got married after 14 years together. In my culture, weddings are multi-day events. Because A is basically family, I helped with behind-the-scenes responsibilities during the wedding. I also made sure A and Bea stayed hydrated through the long ceremonies.

How thoughtful!

Only two girls from Bea’s girl group attended. When I greeted them warmly, they were extremely icy in response. Every subsequent encounter was rude and curt. Bea was also cold and distant towards me. I decided not to dwell on it and enjoy A’s big day.

When I got home, A sent a long message apologizing for Bea’s behavior. I was shocked, I didn’t even know she had an issue with me.

A told me Bea felt resentment partly due to her girl friends speaking negatively about me over the years.

Huh?!

This confused me, as I haven’t interacted with them in years, don’t use social media, and live in another country. He also said Bea felt hurt that I treated him like family but didn’t include her in family events.

From my perspective, Bea had distanced herself from me years ago and never tried to maintain a relationship outside that group, so I respected that boundary.

I understand marriage changes dynamics and that Bea may want more inclusion, but I don’t understand how I’m expected to treat her like family when she never even treated me like a friend, and actively excluded me at one point.

Nope.

A is torn up and wants me to have a good relationship with Bea. I reached out to her, offered an honest conversation, and said I’d take accountability or apologize if I hurt her, but she wasn’t receptive.

I even told A I would step back if my presence causes stress in their marriage, but A doesn’t want that either.

So… AITAH? What am I doing wrong, and what should I be doing now?

After the couple’s wedding, the husband revealed that his wife has secretly resented the friendship for years, influenced by friends who spoke negatively about her despite no contact.

Now she’s being blamed for “causing tension” in a marriage where she tried to respect boundaries, offered to talk, and even volunteered to step back, only to be told she’s the problem either way.

Most people on Reddit vote NTA.

This person has some intellectual thoughts.

And this person has their own observations.

Hard to fix a problem when you’re being punished for a story you didn’t know you were in!

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