Having your friends surprise you with a birthday brunch can be a lot of fun.

What would you do if, after the brunch, they expected you to pay for your own meal, even though it was their idea?

That is what happened to the birthday girl in this story, and she feels like they surprised her with this, they should pay for it.

AITA for being upset that my friend planned a surprise brunch for my bday and then charged me for my meal later

Backstory: For my birthday, my two closest friends surprised me for a brunch.

That can be fun.

I was dropped off at the restaurant with no idea what was happening, and they were there waiting. We did a brunch special, they got me a few gifts. One friend paid the bill.

Two weeks later, she charged me for the meal without saying anything beforehand.

Yeah, they can’t demand you pay for something without clearing it with you first.

That’s what bothered me. To me, if something is a surprise, it’s generally assumed you’re not paying unless it’s communicated upfront.

It wasn’t about the money and I don’t mind paying. It just felt weird to plan a surprise and then silently charge me after.

Bringing it up can cause drama.

I brought it up and said I was okay paying my share, but that it threw me off that she never mentioned it.

She got defensive, said she “forgot” to pay for me, that I shouldn’t have expected it to be covered, and that I was being entitled and ungrateful since she already did a lot (gift, flowers, traveling to see me).

Not sure how that is subjective, but ok.

She also said paying for a surprise is “subjective.”

I genuinely was grateful and never was trying to ask for more. I just think if you plan a surprise, you either cover it or communicate expectations ahead of time.

I 100% agree with her on this.

Charging someone for a surprise that you planned for them feels like giving a gift and then asking them to pay for it and it felt like she wanted the credit for doing something for me but wasn’t willing to actually fully take care of what she planned.

To me that feels kinda off putting and not genuine.

People have different opinions, that’s ok.

We talked it out but it feels like she doesn’t see my side at all and says some people she asked agree with her.

Is there a perspective I’m not seeing or did she probably lie about what went down?

It might be best to just let it go.

I think her wanting me to pay in the first place was already weird, but what makes me even more confused is that when we talked it out it seemed like she doesn’t think she was wrong which is mind blowing to me.

It seemed like she didn’t see where I was coming from when I feel like this is a worldwide unwritten rule/understanding when you plan a surprise for someone, regardless if it was for a birthday or something else.

Maybe she is short on money and is embarrassed about it.

I just feel like it’s hard to believe she doesn’t see what I’m saying, I feel like she knew it was wrong and just didn’t want to spend the money and because I brought it up she has to talk her way out of it.

Is there a perspective I am missing or am I valid for being upset about this?

AITA?

She isn’t wrong or out of line for questioning it, but at this point, continuing to press the issue could hurt the friendship.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

What kind of surprise party is this?

This comment agrees with her.

It was very tacky.

I think this commenter is spot on.

This waitress says it is out of line.

There is no way this is appropriate; she’s just looking for money.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.