Raising kids is the most rewarding thing you can do in life, but it can also be very challenging.

What would you do if you had two daughters who were stressed out due to exams, and fighting all the time?

That is what was happening to the mom in this story, so she wanted to tell her eldest to just keep away from the youngest rather than making the youngest stop antagonizing the eldest, but she isn’t sure if that would be rewarding the bad behavior of the younger child.

WIBTA if I prioritized my youngest daughter over my eldest during exam season?

I (47f) and my husband (48m) have two daughters, Hattie (17f) and Rosie (16f). They are both in the school system in England, and this year they are going to be doing their GCSEs and A-levels respectively.

Exams can be difficult for kids.

The issue that has come up during mocks is that they are both anxious and stressed, and they both take it out on each other.

My youngest is worse, Hattie tends to just needle, or ignore her sister, but Rosie is almost bullying Hattie, trying to control her access to public spaces and us.

Keeping kids from fighting can seem impossible.

Obviously we shut this down quickly and supported Hattie, but it’s getting tedious, and this is with them having lower stress exams at different times (mocks don’t overlap).

They also go to different schools, and don’t have any overlap in afterschool activities, although they both do rowing, but at different clubs. (I don’t know if this is relevant, but my husband says to mention it, Hattie goes to a mixed grammar school (selective public) and Rosie goes to an all-girls private).

Just because you have anxiety does not mean you can be a bully.

The main problem is that Rosie has Anxiety, which she is seeing a therapist for regularly, but she has started using it as an excuse, I think, to act badly in general, and will yell at and bully her sister and then blame her anxiety and her sister for triggering her.

Hattie will normally back down but has made it clear that she sees this as unfair. Hattie has her own share of problems, with chronic pain, chronic migraines, a visual impairment and ADHD (diagnosed).

This seems like a good idea.

This means, in part, that Hattie spends a lot of time listening to music, and playing with fidget toys, and Rosie hates the noises so much that we moved Hattie’s bedroom across the house (she wears headphones but hums and sometimes sings quietly. She is also happy with her new room.

The problem is that if one of them needles, it ends up as a full blown argument and I’m tired of it.

I can see how this would come off as victim blaming.

We have another 5 months to exams, and I am considering just telling my eldest to stay away from my youngest (have my youngest come to meals a few minutes before my eldest as food is a big stressor for her, just generally getting Hattie to back down off arguments) as it would solve the issues, and Hattie is pretty good about backing off when I tell her.

When I suggested this to her, she blew up and told me that A-levels were more important to GCSEs, and if anyone should get preferential treatment, it should be her for always trying to keep the peace even when Rosie was ‘being a little *****’.

If she gets rewarded for poor behavior, it will only continue.

The problem is, Rosie won’t back off if I tell her and will just pitch more of a fit.

I honestly don’t know what to do, so WIBTA for telling my eldest just to back off? I know that she will but it will definitely damage our relationship.

AITA?

Yeah, while this is definitely the easiest way to deal with the problem, it is not the best. The could cause resentment and further issues down the road. It is also rewarding bad behavior.

Read on to see what the top commenters had to say on this issue.

This is accurate. It’s easy to do, but not right.

This is a great way to put it.

Yeah, as unintentional as it is, these are facts.

Wow, this might be a little extreme.

Yup, put the focus on Rose.

Mom needs to focus on the child who is causing the problems.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.