Sometimes, it’s not about the ex who’s moving on, but how you had to find out.

So, what would you do if your child’s father was planning a wedding behind your back, while also telling you that he couldn’t afford to help care for his child?

Would you confront him directly? Or would you make it hurt much worse?

In the following story, one mother finds herself in this situation and decides her daughter won’t be attending.

Here’s what happened.

AITA for telling my daughter’s dad she isn’t going to his wedding because of the way I found out about it?

I (F26) broke up with my ex/daughter’s dad (25M) 3 years ago.

We were together for 5 years and had our daughter (6F) after 2 years.

We’re good coparents and don’t really talk about anything outside our child. He‘s been dating his fiancée (25F) for almost 3 years. He didn’t tell me about him dating her, my 3y/o did, btw.

Then, she saw that he was getting married on social media.

Things changed when the fiancée announced their engagement.

I ONLY knew bc I saw it on HER social media. She and I have been friends on social media for over 10 years, but the ex and I aren’t friends.

Right before this, he told me that he could not financially support his daughter for “a while.”

He pays “child support,” but we’ve never gone to court. He told me it was because he was moving into a new job field. I said, ” That’s great and fine.

He went on vacation instead of seeing his child.

Days later, I open my social app to see an expensive-looking ring. I was annoyed, but things were civil, so I said nothing.

Fast forward a month, and his mom texted me to say she would take our child on his days, but not ALL of them. He texts me afterward to say that he was busy.

It’s less than 24 hours before he was supposed to have her, so I figured something must‘ve come up. I made arrangements to be home instead. It wasn’t until a few days later that I started seeing vacation photos on his fiancée’s Facebook.

He had a lot of excuses.

Next was word vomit. When his next time to have our daughter came, I let him have it.

I told him he could have let me know in advance he was going out of town, and that he had to have known for weeks ahead, and how disrespectful he was to use his mom to communicate instead of coming to me.

I said it’s a pattern. He also didn’t tell me about his plan to marry, and that involves our daughter.

His response? His fiancée wasn’t getting any legal rights to our daughter, so why did it matter?

Their conversation solved nothing.

I asked, “Is it important for our daughter to gain a step-mother? Is it important that YOU tell me about important things going on in our daughter’s life?”

The conversation really went nowhere, and his fiancée then blocked me, which spoke volumes: “Not only do we think you should’ve found out like this, you shouldn’t have found out at all.”

In the end, I told him our daughter wouldn’t attend his wedding. As far as she knows, the reason she isn’t going to the wedding is bc we have a trip planned for that day, and they don’t even have a set wedding date because they are expecting a new child now.

She doesn’t want to miss her daughter’s first wedding.

I‘ve raised our daughter almost solely; even when he and I were together, I’ve been there for all of her important events, and I fear he’ll go behind my back and I’ll miss seeing her at her first wedding (and even potentially being a flower girl for the first time).

I would not be able to help her dress, or do her hair, or see her walk the aisle, all of which mean a great deal to me to be witness to.

My friends tell me I’m not, everyone else says that I’m being selfish and punishing them for no real reason, and his family says I’ve caused them to postpone the wedding. I feel bad, but I still am firm in my decision.

AITA?

Wow! There’s actually a lot to unpack here.

Let’s see how the folks over at Reddit feel about this whole thing.

This person thinks she’s weaponizing her child.

Here’s someone who thinks she should get an official parenting plan.

Yet another person who thinks she should take it to court.

For this person, they’re both wrong.

She should let her daughter go, because the last thing she wants is for her daughter to grow up resenting her for it.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.