It’s usually pretty obvious when one person is not willing to put forth effort in a relationship.

So, what would you do if your mother-in-law moved her wedding date to right after an overwhelmingly busy holiday season with kids and work?

Would you sacrifice self-care to attend her wedding anyway? Or would you refuse and stay home to enjoy a nice, quiet day?

In the following story, one wife finds herself in this predicament and chooses to stay home. Here’s what happened.

AITA for missing my MIL wedding?

I (25) like to think I have a close relationship with my MIL, and I go down to see her every couple of months, as she lives in Dorset and I live in London with her son (my husband).

We have spent Christmas together for one year, and she’s very involved in my children’s lives and speaks to them a lot. She also comes up to London to stay with us for weekends at least once a month.

Their wedding was originally scheduled for 8th November, but they had to reschedule because her partner’s mum fell ill. Long story short, his mum sadly passed, and the date moved to last Sunday (4th).

She was not prepared for the wedding at all.

They moved it, I believe, the last week of October, so we did have ample time to prepare. However, I’ve had an extremely busy and stressful Christmas, as anyone with children does, and I actually haven’t had time to think about the wedding at all.

Last weekend of December, my husband mentioned the wedding again, and I admit I brushed it off, as I just wanted to relax. I find weddings quite stressful to prepare for, especially with children and planning.

Once New Year’s happened, my husband said the wedding is this weekend, and I said I’m not prepared to go, I haven’t sorted out outfits for the children, and I start back at work on Monday, the 5th. It’s just too much. The children go back to nursery, it’s a lot.

Her husband took the kids and left her home.

I thought he’d understand, but he’s obviously gotten upset because it’s his mum. He did say he’d explain to his mum and that he’d go and find something for the kids to wear that day.

Sunday comes, and he’s taken the children. I sent my MIL a text to say I hope the day goes well, but she doesn’t respond (I assume she’s busy since it’s her wedding day). The kids are gone, I’m relaxing, and I had such a nice, peaceful day to rest as I had work the next day.

My husband comes back, says it was a great day, and he’d spoken to his mum and mentioned I couldn’t make it (I assumed he’d told her before her big day, as he said he’d handle it) and she just said ok but he said there were so many people wanting to speak to her she probably didn’t process it.

Then this morning, I got a massive text from her basically saying she’s ‘so disappointed I didn’t reach out to her beforehand.

Now, her MIL is hurt.

She then went on to say she was so excited for me to attend, she always makes an effort for me, and paid so much toward my son’s wedding. She wanted to cry when he said I couldn’t go, but held it together as she thought maybe something urgent had happened. But then she saw my post when I went out with 2 of my colleagues for a back-to-work drink on Monday, and I must seem fine.’

Basically, all of that and more. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. Now my husband said she called him and said she doesn’t wish to speak to me for now, and she cried to him, telling him I was just too stressed to go, and she called me selfish to him.

Completely understand her being upset, but as a mum, working a full-time job. I also needed that day to rejuvenate; it’s exhausting.

AITA?

Eek! It sounds like there was plenty of time to let her know, so it’s no wonder her MIL is upset.

Let’s check out what the people over at Reddit think about her skipping the wedding.

This person thinks her MIL will hold it against her.

According to this comment, she should’ve known better.

Here’s a good point.

This person has a lot of questions.

She’s so wrong for this. Life is full of hard choices and things you don’t want to do, but you should still make sacrifices for your family.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.