For some people, growing up means choosing themselves, even when people they love see it as betrayal.

So, what would you do if you had finally landed a good-paying job and wanted to move out with a friend, but one of your parents started guilt-tripping you into staying? Would you give in to them? Or would you stand your ground and live your life?

In the following story, one young man finds himself in this predicament with his mom. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for wanting to move out despite my parents’ problems at home?

I’m a 22-year-old guy in the UK with Indian parents. I was raised in the uk and there weren’t many other Indian people in my area, so I’ve always clashed a bit with my parents over cultural things like going out, relationships, and independence. They aren’t abusive or evil, but they are traditionally controlling.

For example, last year, my mum found out I had a white girlfriend and completely blew up, threatening to cut me out of the family.

We didn’t speak for months because every time I tried to talk calmly, she would shout and lose her temper (this is common for her; I have recommended therapy in the past, which she refuses)

He can finally afford to move out.

For context, my parents own a shop. My dad has slowly become an alcoholic over the last 10 years. I’ve had to break up arguments for years, and over the last few years, I’ve emotionally checked out because it’s exhausting.

I’ve tried to help him many times, but he’s never really changed. I still step in when things get bad because I hate conflict in the house.

I didn’t go to university, but I’ve landed a well-paying job. I can finally afford a dream I’ve had since I was a teenager: moving to a flat/apartment in a big city nearby with a friend and living independently in my 20s. We’ve found places, and I’m excited. It’s only a 40–50 minute drive away.

At this point, he feels like he’s already helped so much.

When I cautiously brought this up, my mum exploded. She said I’m betraying her, abandoning the family, and leaving her alone with my dad and the shop. In her eyes, this is worse because, culturally, sons are expected to live with their parents long-term. I’ve always said that isn’t what I want.

I said this would only be for a couple of years, and then I’d rent the flat out as an investment. I’ve helped a lot with the shop and my dad over the years, but I’m drained by the constant tension and shouting. I’m very non-confrontational, and it’s caused me my first panic attacks.

My two older sisters never pushed back as I have, so I get the most resistance from my parents about independence. I feel guilty, but I also feel like I’m an adult who deserves to live my own life after working hard. I struggle to see why they aren’t happy for me like my friend’s parents are for him.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see why he’s so frustrated.

Let’s check out what the readers over at Reddit suggest he do.

This guy can relate.

According to this comment, his parents chose to live there.

Here’s someone who suggests he move out.

Yet another person explaining how it was their idea.

Tradition is great, but you only live once.

He should move out and do what he wants.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.