It is really nice when friends and family can stop in for a visit, but if they don’t give you any advanced notice that they are coming, it can be really stressful.

What would you do if your home was being treated as a hotel by friends and family where they would stop in every time they were in town to spend the night, but they wouldn’t tell you until they day they were going to arrive?

That is what is happening to the wife in this story, and she feels like a jerk if she tells them no, but they refuse to give her even a week’s notice that they are coming to town.

AITA For Getting Upset with Unexpected Visitors?

My husband and I have lived in our house for a few years now, based in a major travel hub in the Midwest.

It can be nice that friends and family can stop by.

Because of the fact that it is a city where many pass through or fly out of for travel, we tend to get friends and family that stay the night before carrying on with their travels.

I’m fine with this, as long as a proper heads up is given (I would consider this a few days).

This could get overwhelming.

However, 3-5 times a year, my husband’s friends and family seem to want to just drop in and use our home as an overnight hotel.

There have been numerous instances where my husband will let me know the day of that he has friends or family that are wanting to stay the night.

Why wouldn’t they give them a heads up when they planned the trip.

Keep in mind, these are trips that were pre-planned, and that they knew were happening for multiple weeks. Rather than checking in a few days or weeks prior and asking if it was okay, it’s assumed that it’s okay to just drop in.

This drives me absolutely crazy and gives me huge anxiety. We’re not a household that stays “guest ready”, every time someone drops in with a few hours’ notice, it takes us a few hours to get the house ready, make up the beds, and buy a few essential grocery items to get us through breakfast (we eat out almost exclusively, so we don’t always have milk/bread/eggs etc.).

This is a huge inconvenience.

Most recently, my husband messaged me while I was in a meeting around noon that SIX of his family members are staying the night because their flight is getting in around 11 PM.

This is a trip that has been planned for months, and this could have been pre-planned and agreed upon many weeks ago.

They need to loop her in on any plans that she might be involved in.

Even a day ago would have been better than this! I was not in on the trip details, so was not aware of when they were coming home, just that they were going on a trip sometime in January.

I’ve had numerous discussions that over time have become instant arguments with my husband that I don’t feel comfortable with people just dropping by, I didn’t grow up that way, and my home is my safe place.

This is entirely valid.

I don’t want to feel on edge dreading when the next drop in will occur. I work a full time, demanding job and am also in school, so I really value having time to decompress.

It seems like it’s a cycle, we have a conversation where he tells me someone unexpectedly is staying, we argue, and then depending on the situation I begrudgingly cave and the scrambling begins or I put my foot down, and my husband is upset and come I off as the jerk to friends and family.

At this point, I can’t tell if I’m being too rigid and need to be more flexible and welcoming, or if this is a reasonable boundary.

AITA?

No, it would be one thing if it was exceptionally rare, but it seems like this is the normal, and that is not at all ok. If people can’t give at least a few days notice, they can’t stay.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Yup, this is perfect.

This is a great idea.

This isn’t a hotel and they need to learn that.

Yup, don’t worry about a thing.

The husband needs to stop this immediately.

In what world does anyone think this is acceptable?

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.