When you’re in a loving relationship, it’s normal to not want to lose your partner and their love from your life. After all, they’re your person, and you wouldn’t know what to do without them, right?

However, when you find yourself scanning for reasons your partner might leave or betray you, the chances are there is something wrong. Either they’ve given you good reason not to trust their loyalty, or your own insecurities are damaging your perceptions of them.

The latter is not uncommon – after all, if you’ve been betrayed in the past (whether by previous partners, family members, or even friends), the pain of that has a knack of imprinting itself on your nervous system and rearing its head once again when you’re feeling under threat for whatever reason.

The good news? It’s not a bad sign for your relationship (unless they have betrayed you, of course). It just means you need to work on your trust, and work to process whatever past pain is holding you back.

For the loving partner in this story, the accusations flying from her current girlfriend seem wild – so perhaps there is more to the situation than meets the eye, and someone has some work to do.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for saying my girlfriend’s friend is attractive?

My girlfriend started going to virtual AA every night a couple weeks ago and has made friends in the group who she talks to and checks up on.

She showed me one of her friends, Jack, and I commented “wow, what an attractive person. Great bone structure.” She agreed and that seemed to be the end of the conversation.

She’s showed me some of her other friends but she hasn’t told me their names, just refers to them as “my friend”.

But this turned out to be just the beginning.

I want to be supportive, so when she’s in her meetings I ask if her friends are there and then I ask how Jack is doing.

This is partially because that’s the only name I know, and partially because I feel bad for him as he seems like a really anxious guy.

Last night when I asked how Jack was doing, she got hysterical and basically told me that it was inappropriate to comment on Jack’s attractiveness and accused me of having a crush on him.

This seemed odd to this supportive partner – for several reasons.

The thing is, Jack is gay and my girlfriend and I are lesbians.

I apologized and explained that I’m only attracted to her, but she just won’t have it especially since I made a comment about Jeff Goldblum while we were watching Jurassic Park last week.

She’s convinced I want to be with men, probably because I dated them in the past, but since I’ve come out I’ve only dated women.

And this has left the couple in quite a difficult position.

She asked how I would feel if she said one of my friends were “hot” and I said that would be fine because I know she is just giving them a compliment and only wants me.

Part of me feels like she’s being insecure and jealous. Part of me wonders if I’m crossing the line or if I should have asked more questions about her other friends.

AITA?

When you’re in a healthy, trusting relationship, you have to accept that there are other, attractive people in the world – and yes, your partner might even find those attractive people attractive.

But that doesn’t mean that there will ever be anything between them – because they are committed to you.

It’s clear that the woman is struggling with this concept, and her attempts to combat her addiction may be having unwanted repercussions here too – but her partner is doing her best to be supportive, and has done nothing wrong at all.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that noticing someone is attractive isn’t the same as wanting them.

While others picked up on her partner’s poor AA etiquette.

Meanwhile, this Redditor summed up the situation perfectly.

Clearly, her girlfriend is insecure and anxious about losing her partner – but she is going about dealing with this in the wrong way.

False accusations are never nice to deal with, especially when the partner is doing everything she can to support her girlfriend.

In reality, this is probably a girl who has been hurt before – but she needs to do the work to trust again.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.