Goodbyes are usually never good, but they’re even worse when there’s no closure.

So, what would you do if your best friend was moving across the country and planned a big farewell dinner, but you were exhausted and emotionally drained the day it arrived? Would you show up for your friend anyway? Or would you stay home and hope to see her in a more private setting before she leaves?

In the following story, one woman finds herself facing this decision and opts for the latter. Here’s how it played out.

AITA for bailing on my best friends farewell dinner?

I’ve been best friends with this girl for two years, and we’ve been thick as thieves.

A few months ago, she announced she was moving across the country for a new start because she felt stuck in life.

She said she wanted to have a big farewell dinner with friends before she left, so she could say her goodbyes and spend a little more time with each of us.

On the night of the dinner, she didn’t feel well.

Leading up to the farewell dinner she was acting a bit more distant than usual, I mentioned to her I would want my Colorado sweatshirt back before she left that I let her borrow.

I would frequently invite her to hangout with my boyfriend and I so we could spend more time together before she left and she either had other plans or didn’t answer. So it’s the day of her farewell dinner, and she tells me what restaurant and what time they’re meeting (Cheesecake Factory at 6).

I work with little kids and had a hard day from being cussed and scratched, and I just didn’t have the energy to be in a big group setting. She even invited me to a more chill part of the night with fewer people after the dinner, and I told her I would’ve preferred that it be just us.

Her friend was clearly upset.

She responds with a lengthy message.

It started, “Totally get it, and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard day. But I’ve told you when my leave date is months in advance, and yes, we’ve mentioned hanging out before then, and when I would follow up to try and make plans, it’s always with “maybe, I’ll see,” and then you hang out with SO, or others.”

She continued, “Which is fine, he’s your boyfriend, and you could’ve had different plans, but I shouldn’t have to reach out all the time to try to make plans when you don’t follow up, that’s not fair.”

And her friend didn’t stop there.

Clearly was upset, because then she said, “If your priorities have changed, I get it. But then you reach out two days before I leave, trying to do something last-minute when you’ve known for a while. My friends planned this tonight, and I’m with family all day tomorrow, so I can’t squeeze you in. I’ll see you when (another friend) gets back, and I’ll drop off your Colorado sweatshirt on my way to the airport because you wanted it back.”

I responded with, “I get why you’re upset. I tried to invite you to a game night on Tuesday after my therapy last week, and I also tried to see you at the reception, but you didn’t respond either time. I’ve been so busy, and not just hanging out with SO. I should’ve made it more of a priority to reach out, though, and I’m sorry.”

Then, I added, “You can keep the sweatshirt, I know you love it.”

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see that they’re both upset, but these things happen.

Let’s check out what readers over at Reddit think about it.

This reader takes her friend’s side.

According to this comment, she’s known for a while.

Here’s someone who thinks she didn’t care that much about her friend.

Yet another person who thinks she was in the wrong.

She sounds like a terrible friend.

Most people would suck up a bad day to say farewell to their best friend.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.