Planning group outings is one thing, but covering the cost when someone cancels last minute over and over again is a different story.

So, what would you do if you were always the one booking and paying upfront, but a friend kept canceling and leaving you stuck with the bill? Would you keep covering it to show that you’re understanding? Or would you set a boundary because you cannot afford to keep paying?

In the following story, one man faces this decision and decides to confront his friends. Here’s how it played out.

AITA for asking a friend to either pay for an evening out if they can’t go or sit them out?

I (28m) have a friend (24nb) who has a disability, which means they often cancel at the last minute because they’re too unwell to join, and because of that, their boyfriend also cannot join because they have to take care of them.

The thing is, I’m the only one in our friend group who has any ability to plan something, and because of this, I tend to pay for tickets, and everyone pays me back.

My friend thinks it’s unreasonable to ask them to pay for their share and to ask their boyfriend to ask him for his share because they couldn’t attend the event and it would mean they’re subsidizing me and our friends who can make it.

He tried to explain the situation to them.

They don’t have a lot of money, so they can’t really afford to pay for things and not do them. I understand this and have absorbed the financial hit for this before. Multiple times.

I recently lost my job, so I can no longer absorb that financial hit. At least not until I find a new job.

I spoke to my friend and told them, maybe a bit harshly, that if they can’t guarantee that they’ll be able to make an event, I’m either going to need them to still pay for their and their boyfriend’s tickets, or they’re going to have to sit out the events.

When they got upset, he suggested another way to hang out.

They got upset and said that basically, I’m excluding them from friend hangouts because they’re disabled.

I said they can still come to the free hangouts or to the paid ones at the venue, just not to the ones I have to book in advance.

They then said that it’s still excluding them from things they enjoy just because of something they cannot control.

Now, his friend group is divided.

They don’t have the money to pay for events they cannot attend.

My friend group is very divided on this. Some say that I’m the problem because we don’t want to exclude someone just because they’re disabled, and we could all just pay a little extra in case they don’t come.

But others say I should never have taken that financial hit for them in the first place, and I’m right for setting that boundary in place.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see both sides, but he does have a point.

Let’s see what the folks over at Reddit think about this situation.

This person thinks his friends are unreasonable.

For this person, they shouldn’t use their disability as an excuse.

Here’s someone who thinks he needs to stop paying.

As this person explains, he should handle it differently.

His friends are out of line.

It’s unfortunate that they have to go through that, but it’s not everyone else’s problem.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.