Family vacations can become pretty uncomfortable when parents try to enforce rules on their adult children.

So, what would you do if your family expected you and your fiancé to sleep separately on a trip you were helping pay for, even though you already live together and are only months away from getting married? Would you go and follow the rule? Or would you feel totally disrespected and refuse to go?

In the following story, one young woman finds herself in this exact dilemma and is leaning toward the latter. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for not going on family vacation unless I can share a bed with my fiancé?

My brother and I started planning a family vacation. It’s the first one since 2019 that all the adult cousins can attend together.

We used to rent a large beach house every year, so we were looking at large Airbnbs that sleep everyone and splitting costs.

On the initial call, my mom said she prefers that my fiancé (27F) and I (28F) not share a room. I told her that wasn’t going to happen.

This wouldn’t be the first time they shared a room.

We’ve lived together for over two years, own a house together, and are getting married in 6 months (3 by the time of the trip). We even went on a family cruise last year, and no one had any issues with us sharing a room.

For a couple of weeks after that, we sent Airbnb options back and forth. No one brought up room arrangements again.

Then today, my brother tells me that my mom had already booked a house. When I called her, she said my fiancé and I can either sleep in separate beds or find another place to stay. I asked her why she didn’t tell me earlier, and she said her original “preference” was her way of communicating that.

Her mother refused to back down.

I told her that wasn’t a rule, it was a preference, and I had set a boundary. She said that since she booked the house, she can treat it like her house and set the rules.

I pointed out that we were paying our share (~$1200), so she doesn’t get to control our sleeping arrangements. She said we can still pay, but we are not sharing a bed there.

Now the cheapest option is a nearby hotel (~$1500), which means no kitchen and driving back and forth every day.

Now, she’s thinking about cancelling.

That’s a completely different (and more expensive) vacation than what we agreed to.

The only reason I’m even considering going is for my special needs brother, who is really excited about this trip. Otherwise I’d just skip it. My fiancé is willing to sleep separately for his sake, but I’m struggling giving in, especially since my parents don’t support our relationship and might not even come to our wedding.

I feel stuck between paying more and giving in to my mom’s control. I know my dad, aunt, and grandma share the same beliefs as my mom so I feel alone in this.

AITA?

Yikes! Her mother’s need for control is a bit cringe.

Let’s check out what the fine folks over at Reddit have to say about it.

This reader wouldn’t go.

The only way this person sees her as the problem is if she goes.

Yet another person who would not attend.

For this reader, it comes down to a lack of respect.

Her mother sounds like a nightmare. It’s time to cancel the trip and go low contact for awhile.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a guy who is tired of paying for group outings up front because he never seems to get paid back.