The holidays can be a stressful time of year in the best of cases. When you have family drama on top of it, things become even more difficult.

What would you do if you had a brother who was terrible at communicating and rarely made an effort to set plans for important holidays, but your mother was always willing to bend over backwards to accommodate him?

That is the situation that the guy and his family in this story are in, and he is sick of having everything be planned around his brother’s whims. So, he is thinking about making other plans for Easter and not worrying about seeing the family at all this year.

This, however, would upset his Mom, especially since his Dad just died a couple of years ago, which is still painful to everyone. He really doesn’t want to cause trouble, but is also tired of having to plan his whole life around his brother’s inability to communicate like an adult.

Check out the full story below and see what you think about this difficult family problem.

WIBTA if my wife and I dont attend Easter with my family.

I’m going to quickly add some context first so everyone has the full picture.

Ok, let’s set the scene.

This involves me (M34), my wife (F34), my mother (F57), my brother, Tristan (M30) and his wife, Mary (F30).

In early 2022 my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He ultimately passed away late 2022 at the age of 52.

It is heartbreaking when things like this happen.

He was a good man and I really miss him. My mother took on the lion’s share of his care. We couldn’t afford to hire outside help.

I would drive an hour one way once or twice a week to help while my mom was at work.

Everyone is pitching in where they can.

My brother is a cop with two young kids at the time. Hes lives in the same town as my parents but didn’t provide much help.

He had a lot of other responsibilities but I would have appreciated a little more help.

I’m sure Mom is just hurt that Tristan isn’t spending more time with his Dad before he passes.

In July 2022 my mom made a comment to Tristan about his family spending an unequal amount of time with Mary’s family.

I know splitting time equally is impossible but they spend significantly more time with Marys family.

Mary should be more understanding, given everything that the family is going through.

Mary flipped out and sent some very nasty messages to my mom. Threatening to never let my mom see the kids ever again.

Mind you my dad is 5 months away from dying. After this Mary only saw my dad once before he passed away.

It is things like this that can rip a family apart.

Mary never apologized to my mom and we have very little contact with her.

I see my brother and his kids at the big holidays but she never attends.

Ok, let’s get to the current situation.

With all that out of the way, here’s where I need to know if we’re being jerks.

My mom, my wife and I are always rearranging our schedules for Tristan and Mary.

Some people are terrible with communication. Especially when they are busy with their own family.

Tristan is a terrible communicator. Rarely responds to texts and never plans anything.

Because of his lack of communication and planning we rarely see each other. This makes holidays incredibly stressful and I dread every holiday. Plans are often made last minute or changed.

I understand why Mom would endure this type of mistreatment.

My mom puts up with this because she’s afraid Mary will withhold the kids. She’s does everything to appease Tristan and Mary.

My wife and I don’t want to live that way. This past Monday my wife texted my mom asking what the plans were for Easter Sunday.

I can certainly see how this would be frustrating.

My mom responded “I have no idea”. Our time is valuable too. My wife and I decided to go away for the weekend with the intent of going home Sunday and potentially skipping Easter.

Well this caused an entire storm of drama. I was accused of being selfish. Not being fair to my brother and punishing my mom because she wants us all to be together.

It is always sad when siblings aren’t close.

A bit of more context, Tristan and I aren’t close. He doesn’t talk to me. We have little in common. I have tried to form a relationship with him over the last 5-6 years with little success.

He missed some very important milestones in my life. I’m tired of constantly accommodating someone who doesn’t care about me.

This is a difficult situation. It is tempting to cut him off, but he is family, which complicates things.

It’s exhausting and I just need a break.

So WIBTAH if I skipped Easter?

No, but don’t do it out of spite. If he is going to skip Easter, make sure it is only because you made other plans, not as a punishment to Tristen or Mom.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman’s family who is trying to stop her from moving away for her husband’s job.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about this difficult situation.

If they can’t come up with firm plans for Easter, he has no obligation to attend.

Mom is in an impossible situation, and this guy shouldn’t make it worse.

He is doing nothing wrong and should not feel guilty.

This is a great suggestion.

He has no obligation to spend time with the family.

Planning for the holidays is always difficult, but when one sibling refuses to communicate, it is downright impossible. This brother has no obligation to put all his other plans on hold just because nobody will nail down firm plans for Easter.

While tempting, he should be careful not to make this into a fight. Simply explain why he can’t attend and leave it at that. The last thing he should do is take an already difficult situation (especially for Mom), and make it worse.