Supporting a friend through a breakup can become emotionally exhausting when the same conversations repeat every single day without anything ever changing.

This woman spent months listening to her friend vent about his failed long-term relationship after his partner finally ended things and moved to another continent. At first, she tried offering support and advice, but over time, it all started wearing on her.

Eventually, after hearing her friend once again blame his ex for every stressful situation in his life, she finally snapped and told him she couldn’t keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

Now, she wonders if she handled the situation too harshly.

Keep reading to see what happened next.

AITA for snapping at my friend when they are in a breakup

I (24F) don’t know how to support my friend (25M) through a breakup.

He (let’s call him Bob) was with his partner for 4/4.5 years and was broken up with. In the last 1.5 years of the relationship, Bob asked to open the relationship. I didn’t know any of this until post-breakup.

He initially told me his partner reluctantly agreed, but they both participated in the lifestyle, though he did more than his partner.

Bob was unwilling to make personal changes for his partner.

Fast forward a year, and his partner asks Bob to stop. Bob told me that it was because participating in non-monogamy made his partner feel bad. Bob says, “Ok, you can stop, but I won’t.”

He later switched and told me that his partner continued too (idk anymore).

About 2 months later, his partner moved away to a new continent. For context, when they met, his partner was adamant that his stay was temporary and he would move back home. I think his partner stayed longer than intended because of love, but that probably changed after the request to open things.

Then, his partner called it all off.

Two months after the move, his partner called things off.

Bob was supposed to fly to his partner’s for Christmas in 2 weeks. His partner transferred half the flight money, and Bob’s dad flew him home for Christmas.

After the holidays, Bob returned to their shared apartment. It was a constant reminder of their life together. So he decided to cut his lease and get a sublet in hopes of turning it into a permanent lease in 4 months. That whole situation is messy.

Fed up, she snapped at him.

He also decided to study for a professional exam as a distraction. With both the moving and the exam, it seems like he can’t see a positive and everything is his ex’s fault when things don’t go his way.

It’s been 3 months since and I have received almost daily texts and chains of voice notes about how he is struggling. I personally feel like in terms of ownership of the breakup, he has actually regressed and is acting a bit like a victim.

Yesterday, I snapped.

If Bob had just been quiet, this never would’ve happened.

He sent a voice note about how the moving and exam stress is all his ex’s fault. I told him that if uncertainty around a lease is stressing him out, he can find a new one, if he is frustrated about the exam, then postpone it.

I somewhat feel like he is choosing to carry difficulties where there are none.

So the real kicker is when he said “whether you like it or not” he’s (Bob) the victim. And previously before, when I was trying to explain how sometimes you have to chose to move on to our mutual friend, he said, “Well, she’s on MY side.”

Now, she wants him to take a break from contacting her.

So I snapped and was like, “I have been trying to support you for 3 months and give you tips to move forward and you keep said weird things like that. If you don’t want tips then lean on other friends.”

I basically asked him to take a step back from me and share less, because I don’t know how else to support him other than ghost him if I hear about it on a daily basis.

I understand that is harsh. And there days where I just lend a listening ear, but I feel overextended now.

AITA?

Wow! Bob sounds like a pretty stressful friend.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who was stunned when her friends finally admitted the reason for their falling out.

Let’s see what the readers over at Reddit think about this whole thing.

This reader justifies Bob’s behavior.

According to this comment, Bob should seek therapy.

For this reader, Bob did this to himself.

This person feels she handled it properly.

Three months of constant venting and nonstop blame eventually pushed this friendship to its limit.

Supporting a friend through a breakup is one thing, but hearing someone blame their ex for every stressful situation in life becomes emotionally exhausting after a while.

And once he started insisting he was “the victim,” it made sense that she finally snapped.

She spent months trying to help him heal, but at some point, people need support from more than just one overwhelmed friend.