It’s very normal for the winter months to be a hive of activity, followed by nothing. And even though January can feel a little dull and dreary – especially if you live in the gloomier parts of the northern hemisphere – it’s most likely what your body needs after one or two months of exhausting schedules and over-indulgence. Because the holiday period, if you celebrate, is often jam-packed with things to do, people to visit, and events to attend.

Buying and wrapping gifts? Ordering and preparing food for the big celebrations? Getting ready for the multiple long journeys – or for your house being descended upon by countless friends and relatives? It’s all part of the incredible workload of being an adult during the holiday season, a burden so heavy that many of us wish we could just enjoy the holidays like kids again. But when you pull off the big day, or get to spend a weekend with your family watching kids revel in the joy of opening gifts? It’s all worth it in the end.

The couple in this story have got an especially intense run-in to the holidays, since not only do they have all the usual festive preparations to take care of, the girlfriend is also having to leave town for a bachelorette party right in the middle of everything. And the worst part? It clashes with the boyfriend’s work Christmas party, which she’d otherwise be attending. And though she’s had to decline the invite, others have their eye on her seat at the table – and she’s not too happy about it.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for asking my girlfriend if I can bring my female friend to my work holiday party?

Alright, so my girlfriend (27, female) cannot make it to my (27, male) work Christmas party because she’s going to be out of town for a bachelorette party.

We have a pretty close friend group and we often hang out with our couple friends J (27, male) and L (27, female).

I have known J since undergrad and we’re very close. I have known L since middle school and we’ve always been good platonic friends.

L and my girlfriend met through us all hanging out and they are very good friends now. They hang out and go get a girls’ dinner a few times a month.

But now, L is going to be at the heart of this couple’s drama.

Over the weekend we were all together and talking about how my girlfriend cannot come to the Christmas party, and L made a comment about how she could come.

It’s at a nice venue and she said she would never turn down free food and drinks.

J was fine with it, and we said we can all meet out at a bar right after the party.

It didn’t seem too unordinary considering L had come to my work Christmas party two years ago, and I had gone to hers that same year. Granted, we were both single at the time.

But this didn’t go down so well with his girlfriend.

So I asked my girlfriend, and she said that it was super weird and that my first inclination was to just replace her since she can’t come, and that she didn’t like the idea.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, but apparently it is.

Am I wrong for asking to bring a female friend instead of my girlfriend, rather than just going to the work Christmas party alone?

AITA?

To be fair to this guy, if he and L went to each others’ Christmas parties a couple of years ago, it makes sense that they think this is a normal thing to do.

Especially if they genuinely have no romantic feelings for one another at all, and see anyone thinking they would as preposterous.

But it seems like they really don’t clock the social norms of Christmas party plus ones, and what L’s attendance would imply.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who is irate after she gave a group leader money for her daughter’s lunch, only to have him pocket the cash and ask all of the kids to pay their own way.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person really spelled it out for him.

While others thought the guy and his friend were simply a little naive.

Meanwhile, this Redditor felt sorry for the girlfriend, the only person who wasn’t making this weird.

These folks really hit the nail on the head. Unlike a wedding, where you’re given a plus one because it’s a long day and you might not know anyone else, this is a work Christmas party. In this case, the plus ones are usually taken up by partners, giving an opportunity for partners to mingle with their loved one’s colleagues and other halves, building a big family atmosphere during the holiday season. It’s a chance to all get dressed up together and celebrate the holidays – which sure, would be a nice thing to bring a friend to, but let’s be real, everyone’s going to assume she’s his girlfriend or that he’s cheating on his girlfriend with L.

This guy’s girlfriend is probably a little gutted that she can’t make both events, but the bachelorette party is a one time thing, and probably something she agreed to ahead of the Christmas party being arranged. But the chance to get dressed up and enjoy nice food and drinks with her partner, meeting all his colleagues at the same time? Sure it might be a little dull, but she’s not going to want someone else going in her place. Especially not if that person is another woman instead of, say, J. It’s not about jealousy, it’s about what L’s attendance at the party would imply.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who abandoned their own D&D campaign when their friends stopped paying attention.