Good parents want what is best for their children, though they don’t always know what that is.

What would you do if your mother kept saying that you should have been an artist and encouraging you to go to art school, even though you have a great career that you love?

That is what is happening to the woman in this story, so she finally got fed up with it and told her mom that she would go to art school only if Mom fully supported her financially, knowing that this would be impossible. Now her mother is upset with her.

While I’m sure art school would be great, Mom seems to be ignoring the fact that this woman needs to be able to support herself. I think she handled the situation well. Red on and see what you think.

AITA for not going to art school?

I (F30) have always been good at painting. As a child I dreamt about going to art school and becoming an artist.

They seem to have lived a great life.

My family is comfortably middle class, with my dad working a “boring” (according to him) relatively senior civil servant job, whist my mum was a SAHM and freelance artist in the performance arts (my dad often funds her projects, unless she can get a government grant or private sponsorship – she’s very talented, but it doesn’t bring in any money).

My parents, due to my dad’s job, never had to pay for my schooling, and I got a loan (30k-ish) for my uni tuition and maintenance.

This seems like a wonderful career.

My head ruled my heart and I did a middle-ground humanities degree to keep my options open for employment. After graduation I was on my own, couldn’t move back to my parents (they live abroad), and got a tech job at a large bank.

It’s not the job of my dreams, but it’s intellectually stimulating, stable, and has a very good salary. My future prospects are guaranteed, as it’s in a quickly evolving area of STEM.

There is definitely nothing to complain about here.

I have a good life (fun evenings and weekends, saving money, renting in one of the world’s most expensive cities, even being able to have a cat and a horse – another childhood dream).

Despite not being able to paint all day, I can do that in my free time, and not have to stress about depending on it or marketing myself.

It is a shame that she can’t be more supportive.

The problem is that my mother absolutely hates my career.

Whilst my dad is proud and supportive, my mum never mentions my job, pretends to still not understand what I do (despite having it explained in great detail for the c. 10 years I’ve been in the field), asks when my partner and I will have children so I can be a SAHM and paint, jokes that my partner needs to provide for me, and constantly alludes that my job is burning me out (it isn’t), I’m wasting my life (I’m not), and that it’s a shame I’m “wasting my creativity working a man’s job”.

It is easy to say what she should have done differently now that she is in a great position.

I try to remind her that my dad never loved his job (wanted to be a writer), and that had I not had to worry about employment prospects (reasonable?) I’d have gone to art school.

She acts like it was a choice, but I don’t think it was – would they be happy subsidising my life in my thirties? Would I be able to afford a house of my own, kids, pets etc, without being financially dependent on my partner (big no-no for me)?

If Mom isn’t willing to pay for it, then she can’t demand that she go to art school.

I recently painted something and sent a picture to my dad. My mum messaged me saying I really need to consider going to art school. She wrote it like it was an order.

I asked her (slightly sarcastically, because i’m tired of this), if they’d be willing to pay for my tuition (30k), accommodation (rent – another 1k a month), outgoings, and for my horse.

Mom can continue to live in her dream reality; the rest of us have to live in the real world.

My mum is once again really upset I won’t be going to art school.

Am I wrong for trying to inject a bit of realism?

AITA?

It does seem obvious that the Mom just wants what she thinks is best for her daughter, but she has lived a spoiled life and doesn’t seem to understand that art school doesn’t pay the bills.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

I agree, it is time for some boundaries. She is not obligated to talk about this topic.

She is living life the way she wants.

This is a dream life for many people.

She should just keep living her life.

Mom is trying to validate her life.

It is one thing to encourage your children to pursue their dreams. It is another to try to force your dreams upon them. Mom seems to be blinded to the fact that her daughter is very happy with her life the way it is.

This woman should put up some boundaries for this topic. It is fine to listen to your Mom’s opinion, but you don’t have to be nagged.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.