Imagine feeling creeped out by someone you encounter at work, and your coworkers even agree that you have a good reason to be creeped out by this person. What would you do if your supervisor flipped the situation and accused you of being the one with the problem?

In this story, one young Asian woman feels like she’s being targeted by a creepy older man who is a student at the school where she works. Her coworkers have witnessed some of this man’s creepy behavior towards her and agree that it’s unsettling, but her supervisor thinks she’s overreacting and accused her of being discriminatory towards an older man with mental disabilities.

She shares another traumatic experience she had and how she doesn’t want this situation to repeat itself. Even though she has coworkers backing up her claims, she still can’t help but wonder if her supervisor has a point.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for refusing to serve a student who creeps me out, even though my supervisor says I’m being discriminatory?

I (F, early 30s, Asian) work at an educational institute in the Netherlands that provides various language and other hobby courses for adults, specifically retired elderly people.

Recently, I’ve been having serious issues with one of our older students, let’s call him Jan (M, 60s). His behavior toward me has gone from awkward to creepy to downright intimidating, and I no longer feel safe around him.

He’s also a long-term student at this institution, and 2 of my colleagues, including my supervisor, know him quite well. (This is important for later.)

Here are some examples of Jan’s behavior towards me:

The first example happened during registration.

Open Day: I was alone downstairs managing registrations while everyone else was upstairs. Jan stood at the bar with his dirty coffee cup and refused to just leave it there.

I told him several times that he could leave it, but he just stood there watching me, calling me to take it, waiting for me. This happened three or four times before he finally left.

It felt like he was testing how long he could hold my attention.

It gets worse.

Course registration day: He insisted on shaking my hand and stood uncomfortably close while doing it.

He then made a rude remark about my name, saying it was “weird” that I have a Dutch name, even though I’m Asian.

He went on to compare me to an Asian woman he knew who “obviously had an Asian name.” He kept making comments about Asian women in general and came to stand right next to my chair while I was working.

He also kept insisting I find him a bookstore where he could buy the course textbook, even after I told him repeatedly that he had to order it online. He claimed he had no internet at home and basically demanded I “help him.” (Later, I found out he does have internet, so he was just making excuses to keep me serving him.)

He found more excuses to be alone with her.

His 1st lesson day: He came more than half an hour before his class and sat directly across the lobby from me, staring at me the entire time I was working.

He then waited until I was completely alone before approaching me and standing right next to my chair. He started complaining loudly that I had given him the wrong information about the book, demanding that I “give him credit” for his effort.

I told him again what I’d told him before, but he kept repeating himself and raising his voice. Then he asked to borrow a pen, which I gave him.

Later, instead of leaving it at the desk, he insisted on returning the pen specifically to me, even sending my colleague to fetch me so he could return the pen to me, as if he needed another excuse to force interaction.

She has witnesses.

Two of my colleagues, Jan’s teacher and the one who came to fetch me on Jan’s request, witnessed parts of this and agreed with me that Jan’s behavior was creepy.

Jan’s teacher even said it was obvious that Jan was treating me differently from others because I’m a younger Asian woman.

My other colleague called him a creep for specifically asking for me just to return the damn pen.

Another coworker took the situation even more seriously.

Another colleague, Carol (F, 50s, white Dutch), who also knows Jan, was shocked when I described the incidents to her.

She said Jan never stares at her, never crowds her space, and never raises his voice. She said it was clear he was trying to intimidate me. She even offered to swap shifts with me so I wouldn’t have to be there when Jan has class.

But here’s where things get worse.

I reported everything to my supervisor, Kees (M, 60s).

He thought she was overreacting.

Instead of supporting me, Kees told me that I was being “too sensitive” and that Jan treats everyone the same. He actually accused me of being discriminatory against Jan because “he’s different” and “most likely has mental issues.”

He insisted that I continue treating him politely and serving him, as if nothing was wrong.

He only agreed to the schedule swap after Carol herself backed me up, not because of my report.

And then, as if to mock me, Kees said, “Well, you won’t have nightmares now, right?” as though this was all a joke.

She shares a traumatic experience.

For context: I’ve faced discrimination and harassment my whole life.

One of the most traumatic experiences I had was years ago in my old apartment building. I was waiting for the elevator when two older women stepped out with a disabled teenage boy.

Out of nowhere, he lunged at me and grabbed me with so much force that I was in pain for two days.

The women pulled him back and apologized, but he kept struggling to reach for me again.

I was left in shock, helpless and violated. His disability may have explained why it happened, but it didn’t erase the violation, the pain, or the trauma.

She has made a decision.

So when Kees accused me of being “discriminatory” toward Jan because I don’t want to keep being subjected to his intimidation and creepy behavior, it cut me to the core.

It felt like I was back in that elevator, being told that what happened to me doesn’t count because the person was “different.” That I don’t get to have boundaries or safety.

Now I’ve decided that I will not serve Jan anymore. If he comes in, I’ll walk away.

She knows Kees doesn’t agree with her.

But Kees clearly resents me for it, and I can’t stop replaying his words in my head that I’m being discriminatory, too sensitive, and that Jan “wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

So Reddit, AITA for refusing to serve this student and being angry at my supervisor for accusing me of discrimination when I was just trying to protect myself?

All of her female coworkers agree with her. Her male supervisor is literally the only one who doesn’t understand that Jan is the problem and not the other way around.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a professor so determined to start class on time that he barged in on the lecture ahead of him when it ran long.

Let’s see if Reddit agrees.

This is a good idea.

Another person is on her side.

This is a good suggestion.

Another person offers advice.

Her supervisor is clearly the problem here. She has good reason to be concerned, but he is mocking her for it. How awful!

I’m glad her other coworker had her back and insisted on switching shifts with her so that she can avoid Jan. She should not be forced to be in an uncomfortable situation at work. She deserves to feel safe.

She really should report what her supervisor said to whoever his boss is. She has three coworkers who are all on her side, so it’s not really a he said, she said situation. There are four of them all saying the same thing.