Relationships take work, and when your boyfriend’s mother hates you, it can make everything a lot more difficult.

What would you do if your boyfriend said that he was going to grab dinner with his mother on Friday at a bar you like, but that they would prefer that you not come?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, so she told her boyfriend that she might come to the bar anyway, but not to have dinner with them. This kicked off a major argument between them, but she doesn’t thinks she did anything wrong. She even claims that her going to the bar has nothing to do with him and his mother.

Personally, it seems obvious that she is just trying to ruin the dinner out of spite, but she says that isn’t the case. Read through the full story below and see who you think is in the wrong.

AITAH for going to a bar with my friends that my boyfriend and his mom are at knowing that she doesn’t like me?

For context, I am a 26F and have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years.

Having the parent of your partner not like you can be difficult.

For the last 1.5 years, my boyfriend’s mom hasn’t really like me (it’s because 2 years ago I showed up to his house at 10PM on a Tuesday one time when he was at his parents house after seeing me – he lives with his parents)

Yesterday afternoon my boyfriend told me that his mom and him were planning to go to a bar that him and I love to go to.

If she wasn’t invited, maybe she should go somewhere else.

After he told me about the plans, I mentioned that I might stop by later too after work. Not to interrupt their time together, but because it’s a public place that I also enjoy and maybe would go with my friends, especially on First Friday (which is a big event in the town for every first Friday of the month)

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he may not go because he has to study for his MBA finals, or if he went, then he would go to happy hour only for dinner with his mom.

Let’s see how things went.

Here is how the conversation verbatim went since I can’t post screenshots:

Friday afternoon 6/5/2026:

Me: “Heyyyy”

Him: “Going to [bar name] with my mom at 4:30”
“Hey”

Oh, he definitely doesn’t want her there.

Me: “Nice! I might get off work early maybe I’ll stop by”

Him: “Please don’t”

Me: “What why?”

Him: “My mom said she doesn’t want to see you there”

Wow, she is really pressing this issue. Is this the only bar in town?

Me: “You surely didn’t tell her that I might come, but anyway it’s a public place and it’s first Friday and I told you I wanted to go to [bar name]. She can’t do anything about it.”

Him: “She literally asked me if I was meeting you at [bar name] tonight because she said if you go then she doesn’t want to go”

Clearly this is about the Mom. She only decided to go once she knew she would be there.

Me: “Well she can’t stop me from going lol, and idk why she is making this about her… me going to [bar name] has nothing to do with her”

Him: “I mean I’m asking if you can please not go”
“But you are correct you can go if you would like”
“But if you do please tell me”

This woman sounds intolerable.

Me: “That’s like me asking you not to do certain things in your free time and then you getting mad at me for asking you to not do things”

Him: “Should I tell my mom you are going or not”
“I’m not going to meet you there”

Me: “what do you mean you aren’t meeting me there”
“IDK if I’ll come now”
“I just said I want to”

Honestly, she does sound very petty.

Him: “If you go I’m not going to meet you”

Me: “I know because you are studying tonight, you already said that”
“Frankly don’t really care to see your mom either but I like [bar name] and I’m not as petty as her and can actually be a bigger person so it’s not my responsibility to protect her peace”

This is clear manipulation.

Him: “Ok well I guess I’m not going to [bar name] with my Mom 🫤 Dam”

Me: “IDK if I’m officially going yet or not, and you and your mom can do what you want as can I”

Her boyfriend is being very reasonable.

Him: “I know I’m asking for a favor to let us eat out together alone”
“When you do stuff with your parents I don’t try and insert myself”
“I think that’s a little rude”

Me: “I’m not inserting myself in your time with your mom lol, I’m saying I’m going because I enjoy first Friday and you will probably be done eating and home before I get there”

Oh, now she is just playing dumb.

Him: “I’m just saying I really don’t appreciate what you’re doing”

Me: “I’m not doing anything wrong”
“Not sure what you mean by that”

Him: “🫤”

Me: “Please elaborate”

This couple’s problems go well beyond just going to the bar.

Him: “I mean if you told me you wanted to get lunch with just you and your mom at a restaurant. I would say OK and stay away from the restaurant to not bother you. I just think what you are doing is kind of rude and inconsiderate”
“Like crashing a party uninvited just because you know its going on”

Me: “I’m just treating you exactly how you treat me when I tell you things upset me or bother me and then you frequent respond with “it’s a free country” or “I’m not changing” or “I don’t think I did anything wrong””

It is so obvious that she is lying here.

Him: “Well thanks for canceling my dinner with my mom. I hope you accomplished what you were trying to achieve”

Me: “I’m not crashing anything. I also didn’t have any agenda or try to “achieve anything” so seriously not sure what your problem is. I want to go to [bar name]. [My friend’s name] and I have been talking about first Friday. I enjoy first Friday. Me going has nothing to do with your mother going, those are mutually exclusive”

“Do not blame me for YOUR mother’s internal issues.”

What an immature comment.

“If she has a problem with me going then she can not talk to me and ignore me like an adult lol, and likely wouldn’t even run into her.”

“And also you’re always welcome to dinners and lunches with my family, I’d never exclude you”

Good for him. I’d leave her too.

Him: “Honestly I’m disappointed”
“I don’t know if I we should continue dating if things are going to be this way”
“I cant live like this”

Of course, now she starts backing off.

Me: “lol in what??? This is insane”

“I’m sorry your mom canceled on you, but this isn’t my fault. I think our relationship is good, if you don’t want me to go, then I won’t go after work and will go later!”

“You have been acting weird lately since I’ve moved back up to the [town] and think you just need to relax”

This is so clearly not true.

“I wasn’t planning on being at [bar name] until much later after your mom had left. (Which is why I asked if you were going this morning) Like after 7. Do you or your mom have a problem either way that? And if so why?”

“Frankly I’m disappointed that you don’t want your parents and girlfriend to get along and that you are threatening our relationship over this”

He is asking reasonable questions.

Him: “So are you going to be there at 7 or are you going earlier”
“Thanks for ruining my day”
“Also if you thought my mom didn’t like you before she really doesn’t like you now”
“To be honest, I’m pretty upset too. I probably don’t want to do anything for dinner tomorrow”

I can’t believe she thinks she gets to dictate how this will go.

Me: “I was working because I have a job. You will not 1) blame me for your mother’s decisions and 2) speak to me like that EVER again or call me names. That’s genuinely emotional abuse and I’ve done nothing to warrant that and have done nothing to “ruin your day.”

And we won’t be canceling dinner plans. Is you don’t want me to come, then fine, but you are showing me a side to you that I’m disappointed in. I love you, and you don’t need to involve your mother in our relationship.”

She can’t pretend that words aren’t actions.

Him: “Oh no the consequences of your own actions. Figure it out”

Me: “I haven’t made an action. I’ve just said words.”
“Don’t blame me for this”

I definitely say that she is the problem.

Him: “Your words messed up the one thing I look forward to all week and I’m very upset”

Me: “Then go without your mom”
“I’m not the problem here and you need to realize that it’s not me”

Why are they even together?

Him: “I’ll do what I want free country. Right now I’m putting you on mute and going about the rest of my day”

Then I never texted him back.

She is really trying to play the victim.

I felt hurt by the fact that he didn’t even want me there, but I also felt like I shouldn’t have to avoid a public place because his mom doesn’t like me.

I told him that it was a public place and I could go if I wanted to. Also, I’m even more hurt that he threatened the relationship over something so stupid and petty. He also threatened to cancel our plans for Saturday night that we have because I wanted to go to this bar.

Just painting herself as the innocent party in all of this is crazy.

From my perspective, I never told his mom not to go or him not to go. I never prevented them from spending time together.

I didn’t even say I was definitely going. I only said I might stop by a public bar that I also enjoy and that it would most likely be after they go.

His perspective is spot on accurate.

His mom then decided she didn’t want to go if I was there, and my boyfriend chose not to go after that. I feel like I was blamed for decisions that both of them made themselves.

From his perspective, he specifically asked me not to come because his mom didn’t want to see me there, and by continuing to insist that I could go if I wanted to, I created the situation that caused the plans to fall apart.

AITA?

Yes. She is awful. But honestly, even if she wasn’t, I think these two should break up. They don’t seem compatible at all, and given the added conflict with the mother, it will never work out.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this situation.

Yes, she seems to love the drama. It is exhausting, though.

I 100% agree with this commenter.

It is obvious why his mom doesn’t like her, for now. Honestly, I doubt that she will ever like this woman unless she grows up.

She seems ignorant of most of what she was saying, but that is no excuse.

She really does seem exhausting, though.

It seems that everyone agrees that this woman is absolutely insufferable. I just don’t see why the guy is putting up with her at all at this point. It is beyond time to move on.

Neither of these two seem happy in the relationship, though.  Hopefully this fight helps them to finally end it and move on.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a teacher who learns a lesson of his own from his student’s essays about personal responsibility.