Grief and estrangement don’t follow the same rules, and this story sits right at the intersection of both.

One man had spent years absorbing his cruel brother‘s public humiliations, culminating in a dinner where the brother declared their parents had wasted their time raising him. So he cut contact with his brother and meant it.

Two years later, tragedy struck and his brother died in a car accident.

So when it came time to attend the funeral, he made the hard choice and stood his ground — and his parents were devastated.

This one doesn’t have a clean answer, and that’s exactly why it’s worth reading.

AITA for not going to my brother funeral after our last conversation ?

I am 30 and my brother was 34. Over the last few years, our relationship had been getting worse.

We constantly argued over small things, and he was always making snide remarks about me.

This went beyond just normal sibling teasing and got just plain cruel.

Eventually, he started doing it in front of my girlfriend.

If the conversation was about work, he would say that at least one of us has a real career.

If we talked about money, he would say I was lucky to find a girl who tolerates my financial issues.

It was always framed as a joke, and if I got upset, he told me I had no sense of humor.

So eventually he just started avoiding his brother as much as he could.

I tried to avoid conflicts for the sake of our parents, so I just started skipping family events.

Two years ago I went through a very rough patch.

I lost my job, was living paycheck to paycheck, and struggled with debt.

But even at his lowest, his brother wouldn’t leave him alone.

During a family dinner, my brother started picking on me.

First, it was the usual stuff, but then he said in front of everyone that our parents wasted their time raising me because only one of us turned out to be a normal person.

Our mother told him to stop, but he just smiled.

He then added that if he were our parents, he would be ashamed to have a son like me.

Once again, he had had enough, but his brother still acted like it wasn’t a big deal.

I just got up and walked out.

A few days later, he texted me something completely casual, like nothing happened.

There were no apologies.

I replied that I did not want to speak to him ever again, and we haven’t spoken since.

But then tragedy struck.

A few months ago, he died in a car accident.

When my parents told me, I was in total shock.

Despite everything, he was still my brother.

So he made a hard decision.

However, on the day of the funeral, I did not come.

I just could not bring myself to stand there and pretend that everything was fine between us.

My last memory of him is him humiliating me in front of my family and my girlfriend during the worst time of my life.

His parents wouldn’t let him hear the end of that one.

Now my parents think I am a horrible person.

They say the funeral was not for him, but for the people who are left behind.

Now I am not sure anymore.

AITA?

This man was put in a really hard spot.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this post about an entitled daughter who wants the same rewards as her hardworking brother.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter takes this man’s side.

Not everyone experiences grief in the same way.

Funerals are traumatic, but not always in the ways you expect.

This user would have chosen differently, but that doesn’t mean what this man chose was necessarily wrong.

Funerals are for the living, but that also means the living get to make their own choices regarding their attendance.

Anyone who took the time to read the story will understand that the relationship these brothers shared was extremely complicated. It makes complete sense why this man would want to cut off someone who gleefully tormented him.

But it also complicates things when the time comes to grieve. It’s very likely that his experience is going to look a lot different than his parents’. It may even take him years to finally unpack how he really feels.

Everyone is entitled to grieve in their own ways.